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I’ve lived here unseen for years
Survived in unconcealed invisibility–
As translucent as the windows in the room you gave me,
But transparent as I may be, you can’t
Look through me each morning and see
A new day, speechless over you--
Seductively casting provocative hues
Constructing the inevitably blank day
In sound and fury and rapturous lies.

You found in your glance toward my eyes
No passion, only meaningless questions
That thrash upon your white, white floors
Bleeding and dying a slow death, deprived.
Crumbl’ing like time-worn walls, I watch you
Through the mirror, as you wash your face
And though ignoring me quietly, you seem
So close; a step, a thousand steps away.
Reposed and tensed in one painfully intimate
Moment never meant to be shared with me.
Relent from your reckless disdain for me!

I stay as close as possible to you all day;
You lay, compose your thoughts, and I press myself
Against the wall between us, writing
Nonsensed bits, all scraps of nothingness,
Of you, my pain, your name, my love.
And to explain it to you, I need
To let you read, but it would appall
Stage set white, bleed on your clean floors,
So I tenderly shut the lock for you.

I lie in earnest solitude, wondering
Do you hear my inner scream for mercy?
What do you see when you look at me?
Debris of body, once alive with meaning?
I see your blood rushing through you.
I envision surges of darkness within you,
In endless dawn-touched hopeful coldness
That brings promise of warmth tomorrow,
That brings promise of home forever.

She falls softly down from towering pedastools...

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The following comments are for "La Femme Sans Espoir"
by shefallssoftly

la femme specter
Very nice sfs. Another haunting piece. I liked the imagery and associations with the house. The second stanza was my favourite, except that last line felt out of place there somehow.


( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: April 26, 2005 )

la femme
This was a touch too abstract for me. It looks like you are trying to be way more adult here than you are. It doesn't seem natural like your other work does. You have some nice lines but they seem disjointed and distracted from the rest of the poem. You seem to be outside of your comfort zone.


( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 26, 2005 )

williamhill, smithy
I'll start with you because my responses to your comment are more pertinent. I agree, I am not fond of this draft, there is a lot I dislike about it and I am uncomfortable with the form. I took a shot at internal rhyme scheme and sprung rhythm and it just wasn't working. When I get the chance I'll post the free verse version of this. Eventually I'll learn to write in form.

Thanks a bunch. Glad you liked it, although I reiterate that it's not my favorite piece of work. Keep your eyes open for new drafts.

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: April 27, 2005 )

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