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Got a few acceptances that I thought I'd share. First, the stuff you can find online.
'The Lost Job'
The New Absurdist Anthology 2 (free e-book)
(K, it's from March 11, but since it's poetry and I rarely do it I thought I'd include it)
'A Call to Arms'
Cafe Irreal: International Imagination
'Emergency Room Diner'
Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens
The Penguin (run by Pawn from writingforums.com)
(No addy yet, but I'll let you know if you are interested)
Now in print:
(erotic poem hee hee under pseudonym)
'At the Beach'
Just for fun, I'm going to post some of the rejection letters I've gotten over the past little bit, because, well, I think they are fucking hilarious and more people should bask in failure or at the very least learn from it ;)
Thanks for sending over **** for consideration for
publication in ****. Unfortunately, this isn't the type of story I
am looking for for the mag at this time. I think that the build-up so
overwhelmingly utilizes their hunger and desperation, that the ending is
given away a little too quickly when you mention the disappearance of the
Thanks for considering **** as a potential outlet for your writing, however,
and I wish you luck placing this tale with another publisher.
Mr Happy Rejection Man
Dear Mr. ****:
Thank you for your recent submission to NetAuthor's E2K. I'm afraid
**** won't work for us.
You've succeeded in choosing a theme most people can relate to. This is
good, but the piece suffers too much from language cliches and constructions
that people normally wouldn't say. The "core of [his] soul," for example,
lends an overly dramatic air to the narrative, where the overall tone of the
piece should be somewhat contemplative or immersive. Drama intrudes in this
piece, and it's because of unconscious word choice.
That said, I hope we haven't discouraged you from further submissions to
****. We look forward to seeing more of your work in the future.
The Onion Man
[As a note, this was one of the first things I sent out and the onion man had a point. It's all love, baby. Core of his soul, hah, what was this kid thinking? ;) ]
[This may very well be my favorite one, for obvious reasons =P]
Thank you for your interest in **** and for your kind words about the website.
Although **** kept me interested for the entire length of the story, it does need more editing before it'll sell to another editor. Some of the paragraphs and sentences are too long, there's the odd misspelled word or lack of commas, and your conclusion is predictable and weak. The ending simply doesn't live up to the rest of the story. In short, this is a good story with the potenial to become a great story. Please visit my magazine so you'll have some idea of the type of bio you should include with your submissions. Also, if you'd like to receive payment for your work, always include your snail mail address with every submission.
[No sincerely for me!]
Hi there ****.,
Thanks very much for submitting your story and poem to us here at ****.
We will be reading over your work in the next few months and will let you know if we would like to publish it in our monthly on-line journal. In the meantime, please send me a 3-4 sentence bio as well as a photograph of yourself in .jpg format (and note the photographer involved if possible) so that we are fully prepared in the event of publication.
Thanks again. I will be in touch soon,
[I post this because I never heard back. It was that bad, huh? ;) ]
Thank you for submitting your story, ****, to ****.
There's much to like about this unusual and effectively written story from
an surreal point of view, but **** doesn't suit our needs at this
time. Other editors will doubtless be interested in this piece, and we wish
you good luck in finding a place for it elsewhere. In addition, we invite
you to submit any irreal stories you may write in the future.
[Incidently, said rejected piece was 'accepted' elsewhere, though nothing materialized]
Thank you for your submission to ***.
Unfortunately, we will not be using this piece. Please keep in mind that more
often than not, submissions decisions come down to what we feel will fit in with
the particular issue and say little about the quality of the work received.
We hope that you will consider **** for future submissions, and we thank
you for your interest in our magazine. We wish you vast success in your writing
See? What fun! I implore you all to post your rejection letters, took, and of course successful ventures. I wish I could find some of the others - a few of the are treasures, let me assure you.
Anywho, have a good one, y'all, and thanks for enduring this psychobabble.
terrence B urnip
"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen... there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take me as I am, for I shall not change."
From his Last Will & Testament, Marquis de Sade