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a friend died recently, which causes me to re-evaluate my current situation. all i have come up with is nothing and it frustrates me that not even this untimely and gruesome death at the hands of the san diego police department can motivate me into some kind of action benefiting my life and society at large. i guess i could take on his cause, but since ultimately it would be for personal and therefore selfish reasons, i hesitate to take an action that might exploit a tragic death. plenty of people, if not most, were closer to him than me and i feel that both action and inaction are in poor taste. as it usually is with my reaction to others' loss, i remain useless in gain and in any other function besides observance unless personally asked. i don't feel it's anyone's right besides that of family and close personal friends to benefit, in what ever small way possible, from such a tragedy. still, this leaves me grasping at straws to unselfishly extract for myself appropriate meaning and purpose from this incident.

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