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10Charmr

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They called me the other day
Said Fats McCoy had died
They'd found him in the outhouse
We all sat down and cried

He'd choked upon a porkchop bone
While sittin' on the stool
Cain't nobody get him out of there
Without a cuttin' tool

Well I was the first one in
No room to turn around
Ol' Fats'd been dead awhile
I feared he had been bound(up)

When I lifted poor Fats up
Saw a corncob stuck up his ass
When I pulled it out of him
He passed a little more than gas

We had to saw the outhouse down
Just to get him out
When Fats fell on top of me
The neighbors gave a shout

Get the mules quick old son
Hurry up with them there reins
Tie the doubletree to poor ol' Fats
Afore he pops Will's Veins

They pulled and tugged and got him off-
Those mules- My life they saved
But they pulled the outhouse over
And the shithole made for Fats caved

There weren't enough lime to throw
Down in that smelly hole
We all got more than a whiff
It surely took its toll

We took our shovels and filled it up
While Fats lay on the ground
I saw him cross a feed scale once
He weighed 750 if he weighed a pound

We used a block and tackle
To get him in the house
The undertaker did Fats proud
And gave him a lilac douse

They sewed three suits together
To dress him for the wake
While the preacher tried to comfort us
Ol' Fats' belly began to shake

Here he was a breakin' wind
Been dead a whole darn day
Preacher said the Lord forgave him
We all bowed our heads to pray

Dear Lord, Please stop Fats from passin' gas
Till he's in the ground, will You please
Too late the flood gates opened up
And brought us to our knees

We put that boy in a shippin' crate
His folks couldn't afford a coffin
We got it from the circus in town
The rhino wouldn't miss it too often

We told the gravediggers to dig a hole
To dig it deep and wide
But the crate with Fats didn't fit too good
We buried him on his side

We paid our last respects to Fats
He was the best fiddle player I ever knew
I surely hope he rests in peace
And Lord,I hope he never falls on you.

(From the Hillbilly Chronicles)
of William Hill



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Comments

The following comments are for "The Death of Fats McCoy"
by williamhill

Fats
Charles, This was very entertaining...enjoyed it very much...I always get a kick out of passing gas.....Kacee

( Posted by: Nitz Kitty [Member] On: April 22, 2005 )

Blue Flames Club
Kacee, If we had kicked ol' Fats like a dead cow, the gas wouldn't have been a problem. I started a short story about a year ago on Fats and his family. I wrote this as a precursor to the story. Glad you liked it.

charlie

Sorry for all the gas, Jess. I reckon I'm just full of it these days. Are you a member in good standing of the Blue Flames Club?

charlie

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 23, 2005 )

Fats -0 Willhill
Is this a real person? I remember stories when I was a kid of an old guy from a local town that was buried in a piano box because he was so huge. They had to remove a wall to get him out of the house.

Very graphic piece - can't escape the images. I guess that makes it good writing.

Felicia

( Posted by: feliciastone [Member] On: April 23, 2005 )

Kudos
Charged up imagery and the poem's got a distinctive meter to it. I'm kinda reminded of Shel Silversteen's work 'Where the Sidewalk Ends.'
(I'm just glad the sidewalk didn't end at the outhouse in your poem. Gah!) Overall, nicely done.

( Posted by: Tigerlily [Member] On: April 23, 2005 )

Fats
What a hoot. A most amuzing read.

Always,
Char

( Posted by: Char [Member] On: April 23, 2005 )

The Death of Fats McCoy
I just can't get it out of my mind. How did that corncob get up his ass Will? Gave it a 10....

( Posted by: Charmr [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

Fat's Ass
No Felicia, Fats lives only in my mind, well now he lives in yours too. The fellow in the piano box that you are talking about was the biggest man in America at one time. I don't remember his name.

Tigerlily, I love Silversteins work. I used to read his stuff to my daughter when she was little. I like Dr. Seuss too.

Hi, Char. You know It's just another hillbilly thing,and well, if you had questions, I hope I answered them.

Charmr, Fats was so fat that he couldn't reach his ass with his hand to wipe. So when he did wipe, he needed an extender, hence the corncob. In the short story, there's a pile of (clean) corncobs in the corner of the outhouse, and a pile of Sears&Roebucks catalogs in the other corner along with a 50lb bag of lime. Unfortunately for Fats, he began to choke while he was still wipin'. Things like that happen all the time.lol. Thanks for readin.

williamhill

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 26, 2005 )

Yes!
Just what I've been waiting for, and it's perfect. It reminds me of something Mark Twain would have written (the stuff they don't put in junior high anthologies -- he wrote a lot of hilarious stuff like this!).

Absolutely delightful. I laughed out loud.

Still, what a waste of a good corn cob. Fats must've been desperate.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: April 26, 2005 )

insane in the methane

Amaizing! I salute you with a flick of my Bic at the crack of thunder.

This is a great story.

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: April 26, 2005 )





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