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Thoughts on God


**** Reflections inspired by recent run on comments thread “Jesus – A Man for All Seasons” by dougsoderstrom.*****




My brother died when he was not yet twenty. I, close to sixteen, was confronted early with a need to find a relevance to death and life.

I had been raised a Catholic with all the pomp and ceremony that entails. This meant I had exposure to a God who I couldn’t understand. When the question would arise, I was told that God was “unknowable”. He was a “mystery”.

I prayed to the virgin in my bedroom for understanding. I brought flowers in May for the make-shift alter in my room and said my prayers and rosaries faithfully. I was fascinated all my life that priests couldn’t marry, and nuns seemed always humorless. I looked at the beautiful statues and wondered why they always had such sad expressions.

God scared the hell out of me. I remembered hearing that at the end of time all the stars and heavenly spheres would turn to crosses in the sky. I looked through my bedroom window and hysterically begged God not to end the world tonight. I couldn’t have been more than eight. My mother heard my frantic cries and came to console me and explained that I was looking through a screen in the window that played upon light, it was an illusion; the screen distorted the view. To me, a child who looked through her window on a starry summer night, it was a frightening story told to an innocent to entice her, through fear, to God. Catholics never heard David say, “The heavens are telling the glory of God”.

For many years I felt a sinner because I hated fish and couldn’t choke it down on Fridays. I wanted meat. There was definitely something wrong with me.


When Chip died, I was keenly aware that I had often wondered of families with dead children. What made them special? Now I found myself a part of this breed. I saw how it ripped my parents up. I felt his loss myself and I believed that the mystery god either didn’t exist or didn’t care. His non-existence was easier to accept.

For several years I just gave up on God, and then I knew beyond a certainty that the universe itself was all God. Not some grandfather with a flowing robe and beard, but every cell of everything made God, including me. I came to know that Jesus Christ, while Lord and Savior to all I know, had really said that we ourselves have the power to become like him. He became redeemer mostly because he knew we don’t have the strength to believe that we can save ourselves. Our Godliness enables us, but we don’t recognize it.

In this way we are the image of God; we have the power of creation. We create every minute, everyday, with our very thoughts and intentions. This thought became an absolute for me when I became a mother. God was affirmed after being absent from my life for a long while by a baby growing in my belly.

I had been mad at God, for being unknowable and for taking my brother away. Only with new life that I brought forth did I begin to understand that not only was God knowable, from everything from my reflection in the mirror to the wind sweeping through the grass, but that no one is ever taken away, certainly not by God. We are all gifts to one another, and that remains forever.

This knowledge began with my first child, but it was only a seed of understanding. It was less, it was awareness; awareness of the miracle of creation.

The cells, a mass of non-determined muck, begin to regulate and progress and find the perfect place to be to become a human child; the fingernails begin to grow. My body was amazing the way it synchronized and orchestrated the developing child, and the emergent mother.

I became a child of God by becoming a mother. I have since studied God and many of his faces, and find such truth. If God is a mystery, it’s only because we don’t have time enough in one lifetime to know but a wisp of his facets.









**I once heard something about a man who walked to the top of a mountain once every hundred years and wiped the mountain top with a silk cloth. When the mountain had eroded, God had blinked………**


------
Elizabeth Maksymiuk



Comments

The following comments are for "Thoughts on God"
by emaks

God
Elizebeth,

Yes.....

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Ivor, Demeter, God
You bless me with your acknowledgments of truth in my words. - thank you-
I am honored....

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Thoughts on God
This is actually a part of "My Aunt's Funeral" taken out of context because of ideas thrown out at Lit.

Doubt I wouldn've gotten this far anyway with publishing on lit. (-It's in like ch 10?)Interest has died down at Chapter 2! ( No bad-)

XO
E

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Ivor, back at ya-
yes, indeed.

-best blessings-
XO
E

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Bob, (rcallaci)
I am now listening to Aerosmith- 'I don't want to miss a thing'-
Perfect music for such a nice thought- thanks for bringing it to me.
That you think I have anything of merit is ... dumb luck!
I am so obliged...
blessings-
XO
Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Spirituality w/o Religion
I found this piece to be very insightful and eloquent in expressing some thoughts that I have had, but was unable to put a fine point on.

( Posted by: wrath186 [Member] On: April 21, 2005 )

Tap, Wrath186, -God
I have friends from many different religious backgrounds, and some who believe in only this bare reality (sad for them, I think).
What amazes me most is the intolerance that religions instill, so very opposing to the beauty that is God. Is not diversity a creation?
I have found great beauty and wisdom and truth in such diversity.
Ignorant masses are lemmings and always there will be those who take advantage-

I thank you for your interest and comments on this piece, and wish all best blessings-

toward enlightenment-
Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 22, 2005 )

bringing others to get to know the lord
It is pleasing to god when we acknowledge our lord and savior as jesus then by telling others about the good news that jesus died on the cross to save us from our sin.
So that we may be able to go home to heaven one day.

( Posted by: bigsmiles [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

lit
I can only say I fully agree with your sentiments.
"and there was light..."

thanks for a wonderfully written piece of you.

( Posted by: webguy [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

Gid
Bigsmiles, I wish you best blessings-

Webguy, again you show up on one of my pieces and you bring me comments of encouragement,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart...
Will return the favor, when time permits. I promise.
From what I've read, I am honored that you say nice things-

Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

Not Gid, -God!
I'm tired. -sorry.
E

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

Webguy, gid for you-
It's been a hell of a day, but I'll get back to you, and thanks for encouragenent-
means more than you know,
-Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 25, 2005 )

I agree
Somehow.. having god makes me feel lighter and less afraid than not believing.
This is very insightful, and very clearly thought out. It makes me happy that people still really think about the faith they accept.
-Casey

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: April 30, 2005 )

God Knows And Listens
God is there, don't be despaired. Such life cycles denote frustration. Whether such beliefs are in God or not, one is still religious. I know. I am a bonafide reverend under my real name. Not Christian based but another field. The Universe is God, yet, goes by many names, whether one believes it or not. Trust the path within...God will direct you into the proper direction. Otherwise, touching essay.

- Essa Durrancey

( Posted by: EssaDurrancey [Member] On: July 12, 2005 )

Elizabeth's God
Elizabeth, I am so happy you shared this piece with us. I used to be "very religious" now I consider myself "very spiritual". Religion got in the way of knowing, loving, and respecting God. It is so wonderful to feel free to be me and know that that is ok.

Nae ;0)

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: July 12, 2005 )

God Nae Casey Essa and lit friends
I was looking at some old stuff of mine and saw these comments which had been overlooked before.
Thank you for your time and comments Nae, Essa, ans Casey.
I know Nae is still with us, and occasionally Casey. Essa is new to me.
I'm sorry I missed these comments when they were made.
Interested in knowing why Essa thinks this writing denotes despair. I think the opposite is true.
To know that there is a rhyme and reason alleviates the burden of despair. I can't imagine if I thought that what we are witness to is the be all, end all. THAT would be disheartening!
Babies dying. Pain, suffering. The inequality of fate would, I fear, cause me to find I would rather eternally sleep; non-existance would be preferable to conscious life as a pebble.
With knowledge of God, whatever one deems "him" to be, comes purpose and value.
To acknowledge this God, beyond the bounds of 'organized' religion, frees one to make choices not for fear of retribution by the word of god's spokespersons, but for the wealth of grace afforded by choosing to do what is pleasing to God.
Essa, as a reverend, would you rather have a faithful church-goer, or a faithful child of God?

Nae, so nice to see you, and Casey too. I hope I have more time for reading and commenting here. Muse is on vacation I guess...and I am kept busy by the mother stuff, primarily. I know Nae relates to that.

best wishes to all and hope to be around more (and hope that is good news to litdot enthusiasts)

Elizabeth

ps- the writing always keeps me checking in here. There are so many of you whom I love to see your slice of life through words. You are one way I escape from the mundane or the rediculous(my life). Lit friends- I thank you for your intelligence and heart!

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: November 12, 2005 )





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