Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

Broken chrysalis

Tangled wet and velvet folds

Life takes flight again

Uber Alles

Related Items


The following comments are for "Haiku II"
by skulduggery

More Skills From Skul
SkulD: Nicely done...You are batting 1.000.


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 18, 2005 )

Thank You Bobby7L
i am glad you enjoyed this haiku. i'm looking forward to receiving further comment and critique. i am writing now after having been inspired by writers on this site. i have more ideas surfacing, and i hope to post something soon.

( Posted by: skulduggery [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Skul: "Wetted"
Skul: You have a fine gentleman commenting above.(Jorge)...His appearing here is worthy of note.

JL: I sure could go for a succulant culinary creation, to accompany my snifter.

Longing for South FLA breezes,

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Too many "snifters"..?
Perhaps. I can usually spell that word. Jorge, I'm sure you know what I meant...


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Thank You Jorge
i am revising this haiku per your suggestion. i like it better that way as well. i am also considering removing "tangled", as the butterfly is not truly tangles as it is wrapped or folded. this may force a re-write. thank you again:

broken chrysalis

tangled wet velvet folds

life takes flight again

( Posted by: skulduggery [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Read Haiku/Rocket Fuel
Skul: Sorry for saucerjacking...

Jorge: Remy VSOP...I can almost smell salty air and hear gulls...


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Bobby7L and Jorge
please feel free to converse at will. inspiration comes in many forms... from many sources.

bobby: where i come from - far from Mars - we call them 'ships'.

( Posted by: skulduggery [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

Haiku Mutiny
Skul: Indeed they do. Noted..

Jorge I will seek. Thanks.


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 19, 2005 )

skuls flight...
don't really have suggestions, just, this is
visual and good, I like...

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Dead Kennedy's
Good write, I'm just curious did you like The Dead Boys, Johnny Thunders and Teenage Jesus and The Jerks?


( Posted by: macbeth [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Many Thanks
robin: thank you for your comment. by your avatar, i see you may have a connection to this one.

macbeth: thank you. i am not familiar with the artists you mentioned. i am only lightly exposed to this scene.

tap5000: thank you for your unbiased critiques. it is a pleasure to receive encouragement in any form, and especially from the same critic. i appreciate your read. i would like to read the story of which you speak. i have submitted another haiku for publishing which i feel needs more work. i hope to have your opinion.

( Posted by: skulduggery [Member] On: April 20, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.