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The “Perfect Man,”
The savior….. Jesus Christ,
The one who never sinned,
The one who expects us,
To be perfect just like him,
Just like the one he calls his daddy….. God!

So let’s see,
How did he say it,
Oh yeah,
Something like this: “Therefore, you are to be perfect,
Just as your Father in Heaven is perfect,”
And, I guess, that pretty well sums it up…. doesn’t it,
Condemned by the fact of his very own words.

Well, as far as I’m concerned,
This fellow is just a little “too much” for me,
Far too out…… far too idealistic,
You know what I mean,
Preaching that perfection crap,
Well, it may make sense to him up there in Heaven,
But down here on earth,
It doesn’t make any sense at all,
I mean…. where does the guy get off,
Coming down here to earth and upsetting the apple cart like he has,
Expecting us to be perfect…… just like him?

If this guy Jesus,
Expects us to be perfect,
Just like his daddy in Heaven,
Well then,
As far as I’m concerned,
He can simply go back to his cozy little sweet spot in Heaven,
And preach to all the folks up there,
Where perhaps such foolishness might make a little bit more sense,
Where it’s not so shamefully difficult,
To live a perfect life.

But….. let’s go on ahead,
And give the freak a break,
Maybe he was able to pull off this “perfection scam,”
You know…… the so-called belief that he was somehow able to live a sinless life,
I mean….. big deal,
I think we can all agree that this guy Jesus kind of cheated,
You know what I mean,
Like he perhaps had “a bit of extra help,”
Given his rather cozy little nepotistic relationship with God,
Enough said….. don’t you think!

But as for us……. you and I,
Well….. we’re just ordinary folks,
Like, you know, we have regular parents,
Just like every one else,
I mean my parents names are Bob and Judy,
And yours are Neville and Gruinwald,
But certainly not God!

When you think about it,
This bloke is way out in “left field,”
Far too radical for me,
I mean…. look at the guy,
Look at all the outrageous,
I mean absolutely ridiculous things he’s taught.

Let’s see now,
Let’s take a look at some of the rather absurd things,
This guy is reported to have said,
As I remember, it seems that this fool expects us to,
Be perfect just like his daddy, you know, his so-called father up there in Heaven,
Be willing to humble ourselves in relation to others in order to appear gentle, meek, and mild,
Relinquish the right even the desire to make a lot of money,
And then, much worse than this we are expected,
To go out and sell everything we have,
All those many things we’ve spent an entire lifetime of hard work to acquire,
And then, can you believe it,
He wants us to give the proceeds to the poor,
To lay up treasure in Heaven rather than down here on earth,
And all in order to prove to God that we are perfect,
That we love him more than anything else in the world,
I mean……. come on now, what a bunch of bullshit!

And then…… there’s even more,
Let’s see now,
We are also supposed to,
Love, without even the smidgen of an urge to kill, our enemies,
Forgive, while experiencing no anger at all for, those who hate and may even want to kill us,
Bless them that curse us,
Be merciful and essentially disinterested in judging others,
Do unto to others (our adversaries) as we would have them do unto us,
Be willing to put ourselves into “the shoes” of others,
Precisely in order that we might be able to experience the distress of their pain,
Be “in” the world, but certainly never to partake “of” (the pleasures of) the world,
Be excited about the slave-like opportunity to serve others,
Rejoice when we realize that we have been persecuted,
Be willing to lay our lives down in order that others might live,
Be willing to die for those things that are of value to us,
And finally, and most absurd of all, is the expectation that we be willing,
To deprive ourselves of anything and everything in life,
That just might possibly stand in the way of our inheritance of The Kingdom of God!

And then,
Can you believe the audacity of this man Jesus,
I mean the god-awful gall to go out of his way in order to tell us,
Even to threaten us,
That if we are not able to live up to,
Such absolutely impossible expectations,
He will punish us,
By sending us to Hell,
A place of never-ending pain and torment,
Where we will suffer eternal damnation,
In the agonizing, white-hot heat, burning fires of Hell!

So where does all this leave us,
I mean what are we to do with such utter nonsense,
How can we, as human beings, go on with our lives,
Given such a threatening line of crap?

Therefore I ask,
Are we to go around feeling guilty and ashamed about everything we do,
Should we to apologize for simply wanting our fair share of things,
For simply wanting to live “the good life,”
For wanting to have a nice car and an lovely home,
For simply wanting to partake of the good ole American Dream,
I mean………… for God’s sake,
What are we supposed to do,
Go around living like a bunch of poor people living in poverty,
I mean what good would that do,
There’s already enough poverty in the world,
And God knows we sure don’t need any more,
Are we supposed to get all bent out of shape,
For simply wanting to make enough money,
In order to support our family in a manner,
That the wife and the kids deserve?

And what about loyalty to our country,
A responsibility to be a patriotic citizen,
You know what I mean,
Aren’t we supposed to be willing to support our country during a time of war,
To be willing to fight in order to protect,
To defend the fatherland from our enemies,
I mean…. what the Hell,
Are we supposed to feel like we’ve done something wrong,
Just because we happen to kill a few enemy soldiers,
I mean…… For God’s sake,
What are we supposed to do,
Let the bastards come over here and take over our country?

Are we supposed to feel guilty,
Because our country has been so hard-working and successful,
Because we happen to have a few more things than those of other lands,
Are we supposed to feel ashamed of such a thing,
Is it our fault that God has chosen to bless our country,
That God loves us because we have chosen to embrace him as our lord,
I mean come on now,
I know that we as Americans are no better than anyone else,
But let me tell you something,
There is no way that I will ever apologize to anyone,
For having chosen to pledge my allegiance,
To such a wonderful country based upon the principles of God,
The land in which I live,
The United States of America,
And, believe me……… that’s a fact!

So what to do,
What should we do with this radical,
This crazy man,
This pacifistic trouble-maker,
The one they call Jesus…..The so-called Christ?

Well for one,
I say,
Let’s kill the bastard,
I mean….. Let’s crucify his ass,
Let’s give him exactly what he deserves,
Let’s put him to death for having caused so much trouble,
For having stirred things up like he has,
Let’s send him back to Heaven where he no doubt belongs,
Where he can preach to the choir,
Where he can preach to his fans,
His special little group of sycophants up there in Heaven,
Who perhaps just might be able to appreciate his rather absurd brand of ideas,
And then the poor soul can preach until the end of time,
Until his precious little heart is perfectly content…….. if that will make him happy,
And then…… thank God,
And, believe me……. I do mean thank God,
That this man will never,
I mean ever,
Be able to bother us again!

So, how’s that sound,
What do you think about that,
Okay………… then, it’s done,
It’s all over,
It’s a done deal,
Let’s crucify him,
Let’s kill the bastard!

G. Doug Soderstrom, Ph.D.

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The following comments are for "Let's Kill Jesus....... Let's Kill The Bastard!"
by dougsoderstrom

um...what the hell? I understand the intense satire, and appreciate satire, but...well, this is not poetry. It's a blog post that you tripped on the Enter key one too many times. Also...well, I'll stop before this becomes a flame, instead of a comment. This really would have been better suited to a rant or blog entry. It's far too lengthy to really work as poetry, plus it has no poetic imagery of note. It's a set of paragraphs. Sorry :-/


( Posted by: the Co.konspirator [Member] On: April 14, 2005 )

What's your point?

I agree with William -- this is an okay rant, but the poetry category doesn't seem to fit. Not that labels are all that important. It's just that when you click on "poetry" you come in with a certain set of expectations -- different than the expectations you'd have if you clicked on "rant".

I still don't get it though. Are you saying that Jesus' teachings make less sense than nationalist ideology?

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: April 14, 2005 )

why would you write somthing like this? there is so much that I think you don't understand. Because of his perfection everyone can be saved, and not live a life in hell. next time think before you put down someone elses faith

( Posted by: darkfairy [Member] On: April 15, 2005 )

rcallaci... Jesus

Well.... you really got it. I mean you really did understand the message of my piece. Good man! And thanks for the wonderful comment.... "one hell of a kick ass piece." Well said, and much appreciated. Thanks again!

Your friend,

( Posted by: dougsoderstrom [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

darkfairy.... Jesus

I believe you missed the point of my piece. I was not in any way putting down someone else's faith, since I am a Christian... and I do believe in Jesus Christ as my savior. The point of the piece was to put down society as I am quite sure that if Jesus were to come back to the earth once again, He would be "crucified" once again and for the very same reasons except this time He would likely be "crucified" by the Christian Fundamentalists and the United States and Israeli governments insted of The Jewish Pharisees and The Roman government as before.

In order to understand more thoroughly please read my play "Wine" and the next piece I will be placing on this site entitled "Jesus..... A Man for All Seasons."
And as always, I appreciate your comments.

Your friend,
Doug Soderstrom

( Posted by: dougsoderstrom [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

To my shame . . .
. . . I missed the point of this as well. Now that I get what you're saying, I really like this. It's the sort of message that speaks to all of us, Christian or otherwise. Excellent work!

(But it should be in the rant category)

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

Doug, Please define Fundamentalist
If you are going to judge one sect of Christianity or any other Religion, please define what it is they believe. It would make your comment above a little more fair. People throw around terms at times and since you are an eclectic educated man, would you tell me what a fundamentalist is? I'd like to know who these people are who would kill Jesus.


( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

Oh dear not again...
William lets not start another argument.

A fundamentalist is someone who follows the word of any religious text or thought, perhaps extremist may have been a better word choice in the poem and comment, but it still has very much to think about.

I enjoyed reading this Doug, and I understand your point, there are those who have always perverted power. Perhaps though it would be wise to say that those who do only do it in the NAME of one religion or another, rather than being true believers or fundamentalists.

Please lets not start an argument.

Best wishes


( Posted by: Londongrey [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

hypocrits and Jesus
I found this a bit wordy with the patriotic part thrown in, but much appreciated the tongue-in-cheek Jesus rant.
It brought to mind all the souls released from purgatoty and rising to heaven the day the pope no longer felt the need to feed the fishing industry all good Catholics' Fridays-

Wonder what Jesus would do in a typical shopping mall?


( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

Those who read "Kill Jesus...."
To all,

Please read my next piece entitled "Jesus.... A Man for All Seasons" and the question of what a "Christian Fundamentalist" is will be answered...... at least as I see it from my little corner of the world.

And thanks again for taking the time to read my works.

A friend,


( Posted by: dougsoderstrom [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

Doug: Your "piece"
I read this as soon as posted . Hesitated to comment, since had just "pimped" your last "post."

First thing I felt, as I read this "piece,"..was this is not a poem. So I waited.

To me this is more "satire/opinion/commentary..Many things, but not "poetry" to me..

Interesting, but as felt about last post, posted incorrectly.


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

I was very disappointed with some of the comments you received for this piece. I stopped reading them because it seemed like the same people were arguing the same argument with you repeatedly. When I was reading your poem, I too was thinking, it sounds like it should be a speech or ¡§blog/rant, ¡¨ but THEN I would not have read it if it were not a poem ƒº I am very happy it is a poem.

Every Christian has to question their faith, before they can come to understand and except it. I think people who have not yet done so, because they have been forced into believing their religion, should keep their mouth shut, because they won¡¦t understand the difficulty until they have doubts about their religion. I love reading pieces about this uncertainty in faith.

From one Christian who has gone astray, to another¡K I don¡¦t think he should be crucified again (if we were given the option), but then again I am just against the whole death sentence in general. But I do agree, it is pretty ridiculous what we as Christians are supposed to adhere to for entry into heaven. I really don¡¦t know what else to think, besides that maybe in the afterlife it will all be clear. I do not live up to every ideal in the Christian testament, but I believe I¡¦ve been the best person I can be to have a place in heaven if I were to die today.

( Posted by: icicleicicle [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

)}i({ didnt finish what i was saying :)
I think everyone should live up to the ideal…be the best you can, and like who you are

Sorry my post wasn’t very well thought out, I just had a lot to say, and I was too lazy to write with perfect English..but then again I can’t even write perfectly when I try, so who cares?

and sry for the random symbols, i typed it on word, then posted it, and it got messed up...anyways...good job :) toodloo

( Posted by: IcicleIcicle [Member] On: April 16, 2005 )

I should just say....
....that I wasn't trying to start or have an argument, but stop one before it started.

I enjoyed this piece as I said above.

( Posted by: Londongrey [Member] On: April 17, 2005 )

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