Easter is the first to be taken away.
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It all happens so quickly. One moment you’re drowning in layers of tulle or choking in a miniature tuxedo, diving into bushes, searching through flower patches, and taking the occasional peak into the trash can, the next moment you’re standing on the sidelines, looking longingly at those shiny bright eggs, wondering how the kids couldn’t see them. It’s that transitional phase that hits you all of the sudden; you’re told to forget about the Easter Bunny and learn about Jesus.
“Will Jesus bring me chocolate bunnies?”
“No, but he’ll bring you eternal salvation.”
“No buts, you’ll take your salvation and you’ll like it.”
That’s only the first step, though. Next it will be the Tooth Fairy– you’ll wake up one morning and there will still be the cavity infested tooth (a gift from the now-forgotten Easter Bunny) but no dollar. This will be devastating. You will cry. Your parents will equivocate, and then it’s all over. You hear them arguing a room over;
“Why can’t we just tell little Timmy that there is no Tooth Fairy?”
You rush into the room, burst into tears, and they look at you, dismayed.
“Want a dollar, Timmy?”
But it’s okay, you’ll write this all in a letter to Santa and explain to him how naughty your parents have been and how good you are. Santa will save everything. Right until your dad takes a tumble off the roof, having had a touch too much egg nog and fancying to pretend he’s the old jolly one. There is no Santa, and your dad has a concussion. The medical bills are so high that they’re cancelling Christmas, and it’s all little Timmy’s fault for believing so earnestly.
But no, they don’t stop there, they can’t just take away all of your good holidays, they have to bestow upon you the evil ones. First, Valentine’s day stops being “Exchange candy with everyone in class” day and becomes a day where you actually need a significant other. Then they teach you lent. All of the sudden, you’re handing out candy at Halloween and marching in parades on Memorial Day.
That’s when it strikes you; you’re whole life all you’ve wanted is to be young! Even though we yearn for the car keys, the later curfew, the sweet intoxication of getting incredibly hammered on vodka and orange juice, you miss egg hunting. You want Santa back! What happened to birthday parties with ice cream and sprinkles? We’re sick of growing up.
When I grow up, I want to be 5 again.
She falls softly down from towering pedastools...