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Author's Note:
This is Version 2 of TMOMH. I've left the original underneath for comparison. I feel the rhyme is smoother in the edited version. Stanza 2 of the original has been axed and replaced by stanza 1 in the new version.


The Mystery of Milne Hill

Dusty red dusk
Feints and fades into deep night
Hazy suburban hush
North and south string the streetlights
Milne Hill rises up
Steep and shear the quarry-cut side
Shadow-dome of scrub
Affixed and fenced within barbed wire

Mist shrouded pines
Sway and sing in streaming winds
Trunk-creeping vines
Loop and droop 'cross twisted limbs
Grass-tree spear spines
Stiff and straight as javelin
Neon city skyline
Ablaze and burning the horizon

Starry moonless night
Seeps and oozes liquid dark
Torch tunnel light
Bright and blazing out a path
White knuckle tight
Grips and guides the beam shaft
Spread-eagle eyes wide
Lust and lavish every spark

Leaf laden gum trees
Creaking and groaning in the gale
Crisp dry debris
Snap and crackling on the trail
Spider spun webbery
Criss and cross every which way, All
silken strands sticky
Clutch and cling a face pinched pale

Windmilling arms
Pull and pry tangled web free
Eight-legged alarms
Ring and roll round peripherally
Sweat-slickered palms
Frisk and fumble frantically
Deep....breathing......calms
Soothes and smooths anxiety

Thick thorny shrubs
Scratch and claw against bare skin
Hilltop forest hub
Open and oval the bare clearing
Small mis-shapen lumps
Clay and dirt piles glimpsed from the rim
Flashlight hits a hidden stump
Falls and fails with a final...fading...blink!

Pitched deep into darkness
Black and blank as a felt blindfold
Crunch of heavy footsteps
Left and right the unseen close
Cold steel press of flesh
Spurs and speeds a reckless bolt
Secret of Milne Hill left
Mystery and matter unresolved





Author's Note:
Original Version of TMOMH


The Mystery of Milne Hill

Mist shrouded pines
Sway and sing in high winds
Tree-creeping vines
Loop and droop across limbs
Black-boy spear spines
Stiff and straight as javelin
Neon city skyline
Below and beyond the horizon

Sleepy suburban streets
East and west of the slopes
Hilltop dipped inkdeep
North and south the lamp-lit roads
Milne Hill rises steep
To and from its shadowy dome
Forest scrub and foliage keep
Truth and secrets better left alone

Starry moonless night
Seeps and oozes liquid dark
Torch tunnel light
Bright and blazing out a path
White knuckle tight
Grips and guides the beam shaft
Spread-eagle eyes wide
Lust and lavish every spark

Leaf laden gum trees
Creak and groan in the gale
Crisp dry debris
Snap and crackle on the trail
Spider spun webbery
Criss and cross every way
All silk strands sticky
Clutch and cling; face pinched pale

Windmilling arms
Pull and pry tangled web free
Eight-legged alarms
Ring and roll round peripherally
Sweat-slickered palms
Frisk and fumble most frantically
Deep breathing calms
Soothes and smooths high anxiety

Thick thorny scrubs
Scratch and claw against skin
Hilltop forest hub
Ripping and tripping, stumbling on in
Small mis-shapen clumps
Clay and dirt piles set in a ring
Fingers suddenly all thumbs
Flashlight falls - a final fading blink

Pitched into darkness
Black and blank as a blindfold
Heavy crunch of footsteps
Left and right screeching sounds tolled
Press of cold flesh
Spurs and speeds me to blindly bolt
The mystery of Milne Hill left
For another to unravel and resolve.


------
Like the grasses showing tender faces to each other, thus should we do, for this was the wish of the Grandfathers of the World.

Black Elk




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Comments

The following comments are for "The Mystery of Milne Hill (V2)"
by Smithy

...
Nice narrative, rhyme sits well with me. The typo (inkdeep) made it difficult to keep the flow going, but I'm glad I kept going. Glad to see you again.

Andrew

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )

thanks strangedaze
Thanks for your comments, Andrew. I remember that "inkdeep" coming up on spell-check but I couldn't decide whether to put as two words or hyphenate and ended up leaving it a single word. I might have to replace that line with something else entirely. That 2nd stanza was the last one I wrote. Probably the weakest too. It was supposed to set the scene a little better, put a fence around the hill and a quarry on the western side, as well as a reason for not going during daylight and a hint about something sinister on the hill. Now I read it again, I don't think I acheived any of those things. Appreciate your input.
thanks
smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )

Thanks Pen and Demeter
Hello Pen. How are you? Thanks for your comments. I saw you over at Writing Forums but haven't had a chance to get back over there yet. Some computer problems but back into it again. Yes. I nearly retired after that blooming piece. I'd reached my peak and it's all downhill from there, you know. ;)
Well Demeter. What should I say without giving it all away? Milne Hill is just behind where I live in the northern suburbs of Brisbane. It's part of a forest corridor and as kids we used to explore the bush for miles. But Milne Hill had a old quarry on one side and the remainder was fenced off. So it was one place we rarely went. It also has a rather freaky feel about it. There's an old house up there, set in the bush, which we thought was abandoned.
One time we found these little graves, about dog or cat sized, but you never know. We were looking at these mounds, thinking about it, when this old man grabbed my arm and starting barking questions at us. My friends and I bolted (though this was in daylight).
The one thing I haven't mentioned is that there's a water reservoir on Milne Hill. That's why it's fenced off and the house is for the care-taker. Or was. It's changed now. The house is gone. The quarry is now a sports field.
The mystery of Milne Hill came about because I was trying to find out why it was named Milne Hill. That gave me the idea for a mystery piece. Then I was going to have the main character go up and fight the water resevoir like Don Quixote. Later he would find out what he was fighting. Then I remembered the little graves and decided to go that way instead. I thought that might leave it more mysterious and suspenseful.
Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope that sheds some light.
cheers
smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 28, 2005 )

Yes, Demeter
Yes Australia, Demeter. You aren't thinking of robbing any banks are you? A couple of young Aussie guys tried robbing a bank in Colorada where they were working at the ski-fields. The bank employees recognised them by their Australian accents, and the fact they were wearing name tags and worked across the road from the bank where they were also customers. Not too bright, those boys. They were arrested at the airport after taking a limo there. It all sounds like some B-grade comedy caper movie.
It's good to be child-like, though. Especially when creating. Usually fun too. ;) Glad you enjoyed the explanation.
Thanks again.
smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 29, 2005 )





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