Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
9Teflon

You must login to vote

When I was in the third grade
I didn’t understand why
Boundaries couldn't be changed
And treaties signed
By the outcome of
The Olympics.

Why did it have to be
Bombs?
And hacked-up bodies?
And women raising children
With dead fathers?

Why did it have to be flies
Laying eggs
In the open wounds
Of soldiers?

Why did it have to be
Good men
Sleeping with whores
And doing drugs
Just to make it through…
And becoming callous?

Why did it have to be
Men shooting at the sounds
Of cars backfiring in the alley
With the night sweats
Tossing and turning
In their soft beds, stateside,
Forever
After being a part of IT.

It’s a simpler world
For a third-grader.
At least with the Olympics
There is a sure winner.


------
Here, I share, with stark honesty, my life.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Night Sweats"
by FeliciaStone

Another good one
This was another exquisite poem by you. I found it particularly touching knowing your son's current situation, being a soldier himself. Thank you for sharing this with all of us.
Elle

( Posted by: Eleanor [Member] On: March 19, 2005 )

simpler times
Yes, Felcia, things were much clearer back then. More simple black and white answers. I liked the contrast between the innoncence of third grade and images of war and suffering which were strong and effective. It flowed well but I think it's missing a question mark at the end of the first stanza which made it a little confusing at first read? Overall I found it thoughful with the right amount of emotion. Enjoyed.
cheers smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 20, 2005 )

smithy - thanks
Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

I think more people are reading without commenting, which is too bad. I personally, need the feedback to improve. I need to up my learning curve!

I'm not sure about the first stanza - I welcome more discussion on it. I do not want it to be confusing - there must be a better way to express it.

I thought of the first stanza as a statement, not a question.

I don't think I need the second "weren't" though, now that I read it again.

Thanks again for reading and commenting. Since you are a rare find - and willing to offer advise, I hope you will visit some of my older posts.

Felicia

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: March 20, 2005 )

Thanks!
Felicia-

Thank you SO VERY MUCH for the kind words regarding "Crawling to the Moon." I have been placing my scripts on here for a couple of months, and I was thrilled to see such positive feedback about my work. I also very much appreciated your pointing out the typos.

I am so very glad you enjoyed it. Please keep in touch.

Marc

( Posted by: Marcmat [Member] On: March 20, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: