Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

blazing copper
climbed the sky
in the first
the foremost
fraction of the day

then the dew
a silvered glove
caught the gleaming beams
turned and threw
the darkness into light


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "First Inning"
by KateLouise

another verse and title
Well Katelouise. There's beauty in your verse and baseball analogies for dawn, but it doesn't feel right somehow. Maybe it's the title. First Inning seems too ...something.?? Strict. Or flat or straight-forward. I think same poem with "Top of the First" or "Bottom of the First" or something. I don't feel your present title does the poem justice. I'd like to see three verses too given the three strikes, three running bases and three batsmen or batswomen per innings. Three feels right for this IMO. The two verses there are great. Maybe I'm just being greedy? ;)
cheers
smithy

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: