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blazing copper
climbed the sky
in the first
the foremost
fraction of the day

then the dew
a silvered glove
caught the gleaming beams
turned and threw
the darkness into light

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The following comments are for "First Inning"
by KateLouise

another verse and title
Well Katelouise. There's beauty in your verse and baseball analogies for dawn, but it doesn't feel right somehow. Maybe it's the title. First Inning seems too ...something.?? Strict. Or flat or straight-forward. I think same poem with "Top of the First" or "Bottom of the First" or something. I don't feel your present title does the poem justice. I'd like to see three verses too given the three strikes, three running bases and three batsmen or batswomen per innings. Three feels right for this IMO. The two verses there are great. Maybe I'm just being greedy? ;)

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: March 27, 2005 )

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