Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

[written: 28-08-02]

Once upon a time before the world existed, a brightly coloured serpent roamed space, which was then called ‘The realm of nowhere’.
He thought it was pointless day after day slithering around in pitch blackness, but felt no loneliness because he had never been with anyone before.
One day while he was slithering, he noticed a trail of his multicoloured skin glowing brightly behind him. He continued going around and around in circles until he realised that the glowing ball had become a huge planet.
This first planet was called Saturn.
Eventually all the planets were created and the serpent went to live on the planet he called Earth which sounded peaceful and calm.
There was everything he needed on Earth. Water, air, food… nothing was bad. There was no pain or worries, just relaxation day after day.

Two years later the God of the sky, Yyrlin decided that Serpent needed company so he created the first human beings: Atakin who was a boy and Luuset who was a girl.
Serpent was very cautious of his new neighbours and hid in his cave for most of the time, not even helping them get the apples that were high in the trees.
Atakin and Luuset noticed Serpent hiding in his cave, but didn’t bother to try to get to know him; they thought that if he wanted to be on his own, then they should let him.
They ate the soft apples from the ground when the fell and drank the cool water from the river. All was well on Earth, until Atakin and Luuset began dreaming of different kinds of food instead of the same old thing day after day.
“What about killing Serpent for his meat?” Atakin licked his lips hungrily.
Luuset’s eyes lit up and she grinned, “I think that is a great idea!”
But Luuset didn’t want to actually do the killing. Neither did Atakin.
Atakin bullied Luuset enough that she gave in.

In the night-time, Luuset sharpened a stick on a rock, shivering with fright.
She edged closer to where the serpent lived and struck. A loud screech was heard from the cave as well as the last gasping of breath.
Atakin and Luuset suddenly felt a stab of pain in their bodies. It was quite a shock because they had never experienced pain before.
They screamed and shouted, but the pain wouldn’t go.
Blood from the serpent’s dead body oozed out from the cave like running water.
Atakin weakly smiled as he though of eating the serpent, but then fell backwards from a sharp pain in the stomach.
The blood didn’t stop flooding out. Eventually Atakin and Luuset were up to their waists in the colourful blood which was icy cold.
The blood rose higher and higher and the colour evaporated into the sky.
The blood turned a clear colour and became the sea.

The serpent watched from heaven with fury as Atakin and Luuset swam helplessly in his blood.
His rage was unbearable and he struck. Faster and faster he hurtled towards Earth.
He punctured the Earth with his two pointy teeth and the sunlight poured into the water, burning Atakin and Luuset.
This was the first global warming.
Atakin and Luuset’s body fried and they died, their bodies sinking to the bottom of the sea, never to be found again.
After a while the world became normal again except that the sea was still there.
Trees returned, land returned but there were no people.
Yyrlin created thousands more people and placed them on Earth, but to his surprise, they were all evil within themselves.
They had their ways, killing other helpless animals for food and acting cruel to one another.
Serpent always blamed Atakin and Luuset for the evilness in the new humans, but Yyrlin blamed nobody. He loved the world and he loved his children.
He hoped that they would learn from the beautiful world that he had given them, that kindness was the best thing.


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Once upon a time before the world existed"
by autumnmist

Nice
What a neat variation on creation stories. Good job!

( Posted by: icymatt [Member] On: March 16, 2005 )

feliciastone
Is it me, or does Atakin sound like Atkins - the mosty-meat diet? How funny.

I have to come back and read this one again.

Felicia

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: March 18, 2005 )

How did I?
Manage this?

( Posted by: feliciastone [Member] On: March 19, 2005 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: