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10Dew Of Blood

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Why do dolts, in singsong rhyme,
Inflict it on us every time
Some vapid thought pops in their head?
Why aren’t they studying instead?
First, learn to read, then LEARN TO SPELL
And spare us orthographic Hell!
This sloppy writing, I suspect,
Can’t even count as "dialect."
They rarely spell out "y-o-u."
"Two," "to," and "too" are all just "2,"
And naturally, use "4" for "for."
I just can’t stand it anymore!
When "our" and "are" get chopped to "r,"
I think they’ve gone a bit too far!
As far as content, that’s the worst
Of it. They think that they’re the first
To think or feel or suffer pain.
They bitch and moan, howl, whine, complain.
Spoiled brats fancy themselves "angst-ridden."
Can such self-pity be forbidden?
My opinion? I blame rap
For validating verbal crap –
Or was our culture "greeting-carded,"
Embracing verse that sounds retarded?
I call it (will I cause a schism?)
Literary vandalism.
"Txt msg" pals by wireless phone
And leave the literate alone!

You got a problem with that?


The following comments are for "Why, Indeed"
by BadAttitude

Big ups 2 u
Aside from the fact that this was excellently put togeather, its content was so funny it made coffee come out my nose. I loved the piece about angst ridden youth.


( Posted by: Emlyn [Member] On: March 12, 2005 )

It is very well put together - I agree wholeheartedly with Emlyn. This is great as poetry and a rant. You said it for me BadA. Text me that stuff, and I don't read it.
And just so people know it's not just the young, it's the cafelattefortysomethingstryingtobecool people. regards huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: March 12, 2005 )

So Valid!
U R so rite! LOL GTG

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: March 12, 2005 )

The last two lines.....
......are my absolute favorite, although this is a riot all the way through. Nicely done!

( Posted by: Eleanor [Member] On: March 12, 2005 )

Why Ask Why?
Thank you kindly, ladies, for your words of praise and support. Those of you who chose to comment in the vernacular of "the enemy" at first made me wince (fingernails on chalkboards and the voice of actress Rosie Perez come to mind,) but I accept your thusly-expressed compliments in the ironic sense in which I’m sure they were intended.

I’m especially gratified that you found it amusing. (Coffee out the nose is my personal standard of comic excellence.) Over the years, I’ve found it most effective to express my admittedly blunt opinions couched in humor. Those whose gut reaction would be to disagree with my position and to protest that I’m "not being nice" are more apt to be persuaded by my arguments when they’re stated with some degree of wit (at least half.) Furthermore, others - who may already agree in secret but who shrink from expressing what may be considered an "intolerant" sentiment - feel freer to admit their concurrence.

huni, you are quite correct that besides adolescents, "cafelattefortysomethingsetc." are among the worst offenders. In my experience, academics in the "liberal arts" (which term they take painfully literally) are especially bad in that respect. Their spelling and grammar may be better than teens’, but they more than make up for it in pretension and affected obtuseness.

I appreciate all your responses. Dew of Blood, your rating was quite generous. My only regret is that some young "literary vandal" has not come back with a sharp retort along the lines of "dood u r lik so bogiss!!!" Ah, well! At least the choir appreciated the sermon.

( Posted by: BadAttitude [Member] On: March 13, 2005 )

On the other hand
Well written, cleverly rhymed and humorous.

On the other hand, your poem/rant could also be viewed as fuddy-duddy, an argument for sameness and dullness in creative writing, and as advice to "play it safe" and don't take any chances.

In the long run, it isn't how writing, especially a poem, looks on paper. What's important is what it has to say and how it is said.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: March 13, 2005 )

Fun, well-written piece
I enjoyed this. Although I don't insist on pefect "Chicago Manual of Style" grammar and spelling in poetry, I do think that you need a damned good reason to abandon them, especially in prose. In my work life, as a marketing director, I insist on proper usage in email from my employees, even for email that is internal to the department. If you want to go home and get slangy and dopey and use all lower-case and no punctuation with your pals, that's fine. At work, and in the real world, use the language we've agreed on.

I do agree, as I often do, with Gomarsoap, though, that the meaning and message need to be primary. What I have found, though, in 99% of the cases where good grammar, punctuation and spelling have been abandoned, is that there is no reason for having done so other than ignorance, sloppiness, laziness, ill temper or disrespect.

"Greeting carded/retarded" is fantastic.

"Spoiled brats fancy themselves 'angst-ridden.'" needs a little toning in terms of the meter. In a piece of otherwise nearly rhythmic perfection, it is a little stumbly. That's my only complaint.

Well... there is one other complaint. I went looking for more by BadAttitude and found that this is the only piece posted. I hope that time will remedy that situation.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: March 13, 2005 )

A Big Fun!
BaDaTtItoOd ReWlZ!!

( Posted by: TomTerrific [Member] On: March 14, 2005 )

Why, thank you too!
More thanks are in order – this time, to the gentlemen who’ve responded. I notice that two of you used the phrase "well written." I am, of course, flattered, especially since writing well is the theme of the piece.

gomarsoap, as I was considering how to respond thoughtfully to your rebuttal, andyhavens expressed many of the sentiments I’d considered mentioning, probably more ably than I would have. I, too, have no problem when capable writers, especially poets, make a conscious, deliberate choice to violate rules of standard spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Sometimes, doing so suits their style and complements the content, a la e.e. cummings et al. My problem is with writers who never bothered to learn the rules well enough to break them with finesse. When their teachers tried to impart the standards, they rolled their eyes and moaned, "duh!!! wutevrrrr!!" It has nothing to do with "taking chances" and everything to do with taking sloppy shortcuts. Furthermore, too often the content is not daring in the least: At best, they may spout trite platitudes. At worst, they ramble on in inane blather. (Start down the list of other recent rants and you’ll see what I mean. You won’t have to look far.)

I guess I fail to see how writing in standard English (or in the accepted standards of any other language) necessarily leads to "sameness and dullness," any more than simply ignoring the rules necessarily suggests "creativity." One can take plenty of chances with the language as it is, or by pushing the boundaries without riding roughshod over them. I doubt you’d accuse a Formula One driver of being a "fuddy duddy" simply because he refrained from veering off the track and plowing through the crowd willy-nilly. ("It was the quickest way to the checkered flag!")

For better or for worse, when expressing yourself in writing, the choices you make in terms of following or flouting conventions IS part of "how it is said."

andy, as far as your stylistic critique of the piece, I must confess that I, too, was dissatisfied with the meter of the "Spoiled brats…" line. I’m still pondering the best rephrasing of it, hoping to retain both "spoiled brats" and "angst-ridden." As is often the case, it’s the transitions that are most problematic.

Thanks again to gomarsoap and andyhavens for allowing my little rant to prompt such a thought-provoking discussion. As for TomTerrific, well…..He is obviously familiar with the "genre" whereof I speak, for he’s alluded to an aspect of it I’d forgotten to mention: "creative" (?) use of the shift key! Thanks – I guess.

( Posted by: BadAttitude [Member] On: March 14, 2005 )

Thanks For The Smile
I have not smiled this much all day, very funny.

( Posted by: ChristianAlbert [Member] On: March 15, 2005 )

Couldn't Help Meself
Sorry, BA, I'm a recovering AOL Chat Room Host. I just snapped while reading this and the shift key went nuts. I'm still pondering that one line too.

( Posted by: TomTerrific [Member] On: March 15, 2005 )

Text Paging
I loved this! My job comes with a text pager and a while back they encouraged us to monitor how many characters we used as management changed their payment plan from "all you can eat" to "pay per character". Some folks decided that this meant they could write whole sentences substituting single letters for words (e.g., "R U N 2Day?"). There's one person that pages me with cryptic messages with so many shorthand words that I can't figure out what she's asking!

I have to admit, though, that when I'm in a hurry it is so tempting to use "r" for "are" and "u" for "you". I type it in, stare at it, finish my page, and then retype it using the right words.

This was wonderful and I loved it! Thank you for a smile before I leave for work.

( Posted by: Shel [Member] On: March 17, 2005 )

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