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When I, in solitary hours,
See my sudden shadow
Dart across the recesses
Of a stricken heart,
The recognition shocks me.
How was this laughing
Girl brought low?
Bereft of faith
That came so hard.
A cost so dear,
Willingly paid.
A price is always asked
For every chance taken.

Clothed in silk illusion
Worn to ease her way,
Feet shod in tomorrow.
Her darksome eyes brim
With tears that shame
Her refusal to number them.
Vehement disbelief!
She doesn’t care.
Her pain worn like a badge
Of life
Of love
Of courage.

I lure her out with promises,
From the gloaming where
She spends, like horded coins,
These hours, days,
Years sliding away,
Deposits in a foreign bank,
Worthless.
It is, she says,
Only time
And laughs
At fate.

Still clasping it to
Her trembling breast,
Returns to shadow.
Her ragged sobs echo thru
My life.


------
*enters gently, smiling*


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Comments

The following comments are for "My Eidolon"
by ADannon

Seperating the Self

ADannon ~ I love the language and the rhythm of this poem. It has a lush, moody quality which barely skirts melodrama without falling, directly, completely into it (which is a deft trick, I think, considering your subject).

I did find myself slightly troubled by the manner in which you seperate out aspects of yourself, to examine them as though in conversation. I had a hard time imagining, concretely, how you could startle at a shadow which darts across the stricken recesses of your own heart.

I think it would help to completely seperate this other self from yourself, so that the final line reads with a bit more mystery and surprise.

I love the line "Clothed in silk illusion", though I found myself puzzling over your word choice in "Feet shod in tomorrow". Yet, isn't she living in the past? Tomorrow sounds like a place she's stubbornly refusing to contemplate allowing her feet to tread.

And I can't help wondering what it is that she's clasping to her breast in the final stanza?

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: March 6, 2005 )

My Eidolon
hazelfaern~
Thank you for reading and for your insight. It brought a fresh perspective to the piece that hadn't occured to me.
As far as the shadow goes, it is a figurative sighting...as when an emotion runs through your heart without your "consent" or awarness of it even having been in you.
Her feel are shod in tomorrow because while she may be longing for the past she is , in reality, bound by the present while counting on what she hopes and dreams the future might bring....vague perhaps but necessary.
I appreciate your taking the time you did with this one~ *s*

( Posted by: ADannon [Member] On: March 9, 2005 )





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