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I imagine us gray and wrinkled
bundled and press
folded onto our stoop
like oft worn clothes
that gather and bunch
in all the wrong places.

We could be a tin type
an flashbulb capture of longevity
shrinking, stooping
shoulders rolling under
the slow cascade of age
growing smaller, less distinct
with each rheumy blink.

We'll be liver spotted,
bearing our character
watermarks stretched
over vellum that covers fingers
barely more than bones
we link together,
a slowly calcifying chain
stretched across our steps

Smile if you're stupid,
laugh if you understand.

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The following comments are for "Stoop"
by Bartleby

Great piece, as usual, and as I expect when I see your work. Few small things I'd change.

First stanza, second line, I think it would flow better and more like the first line and the rest of that first stanza if you moved the folded onto line 2.
"I imagine us gray and wrinkled
bundled and press folded"
I think it would flow better that way, and still get across the feeling of being folded onto the stoop as well.

Second stanza second line, I think should begin with "a" not "an."

My favorite is the last stanza, the language is very picturesque. "vellum that covers fingers" "barely more than bones" and "calcifying chain." Great word choice, well done.


( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: March 2, 2005 )

I was so happy to see work from you. It has been too long, I am going to have to put you on a schedule here Mister. Wonderful work, the norm for you. I love the thought of growing old like this.


( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: March 2, 2005 )

Good Old Bart
Well done.

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: March 2, 2005 )

No rocking chairs for me, Bart!
Technically Bart, this is excellent as usual...always look forward to your work.

However, you paint a dreary, empty portrait of old age. ALL older people do not necessarily age the same way...I get a sense of finality and resignation in this picture. The inner beauty is lurking somewhere in there I suppose, but it reminds me of generations past...not seniors as they are today (most of them) who avail themselves of what modern technology has to offer.
But most of is the spirit that has changed...not a recognition that their life is over and hie themselves to the nearest rocking chair...but a challenge to live life to the fullest and avail themselves of whatever life has to offer until their room is ready in heaven!

As for me Bart...I don't own a rocking chair!
But as I said...I love your work!

( Posted by: Beatrice Boyle [Member] On: March 4, 2005 )

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