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I guess Iím just not that interesting today
What did you ever see in me anyway
When I need your whispers to tell me Iím alive
If I ever let you down then I apologize

Itís 12:35 in the morning
And the wind is still awake outside
And I know itís there cause the wind chimes
Are singing their soft lullabies

If you look out the window
Youíll see the world is so still
Wait for something to move
Something to happen
But nothing ever will

The street is asleep tonight
Only alive through the moon
Thatís looking like a tunnel cut to my size
My only escape til the afternoon

And the snow has stopped falling by now
Itís taking a sound rest on the streets
As it freezes to remain so calm
as our nerves underneath our sheets

As the lights in my room start to dim
The street lights still remain faithful
To those of us who think best at night
And when kisses are so tasteful

I wonder if Iíll dream tonight
And if I do, just forget in the morning
So hard to remember sometimes
Things that are so important

Itís 12:35 in the morning
And the wind is still awake outside
And I know itís there cause the wind chimes
Are singing their soft lullabies



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Comments

The following comments are for "soft lullabies"
by ForLackofaBetterName

Peaceful
You're piece is just that-- very calming. Not quite what I expected from the title, I assumed I was walking into a pastoral, something you'd portray on TV with canned "awwwws" and blurred edge. I got instead a very pensive and slow peace, just musing on reality and insomnia. Stanzas 6 and 7 feel a touch strange. Stanza six feels like your poetry regressed a touch, I might reword it. Maybe I would try
"The lights inside my room are dimming now,
But outside the street lights shine beneath
For wanderers who think best at night,
And for lovers, kissing in their light-filled wreath"
Eh, something like that.
Stanza 7 breaks the rhyme scheme, which causes some problems for me. I'm not a big fan of rhyme in the first place, but I thought you were doing a really good job here. Maybe it's hard to remember something so burning, or you'll just forget at night's descent.
Anyway, very good piece. I love "As it freezes to remain so calm
as our nerves underneath our sheets"-- stunning imagery. Great work.
-Casey

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: February 28, 2005 )

peaceful comment
thank you for the very long comment haha..I like when people tell me exactly what they think about my stuff and what needs work. I appreciate that you critiqued it with such detail.

kara

( Posted by: forlackofabettername [Member] On: March 1, 2005 )





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