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Say I more what Iíve seen and felt?
I know the loss as it is dealt.
I stumble and stutter to know why,
My blessings untimely whither and die.

I try with honor to rise above all,
But unyielding does my past call.
Taunting me so I know my shame,
Hopeless attempts at fortune and fame.

Why fight a battle destined to fail?
Kicking and tearing to no avail.
Posses I nothing of worth to share,
But beaten, broken, bloody despair?

I crave to create worthy profound art,
Not just rhymes to tease the tart.
Far too long have I poetically passed,
No divine knowledge have I amassed.

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The following comments are for "Despair"
by nelson

On poetry
Hmmm I hate to criticize a piece like this but it seems the only way to heal it, eh? So here's what I think, Nelson: buck up. I think you're a darn good writer, but this poems feels like a self-fulfilling prophesy. It feels like you are bending to the rhyme's will, instead of bending the rhyme to your will. I think what you're trying to say is good, a subject I've persued more than once, but it seems sort of predictable. There's no high point or resolution to this poem, it's just a blunt statement of "Poetry's cool, but it's brough me nothingness." I'd love to see the imagery to go along with this, the years working on a masterpiece culminating only to a still-blank canvas. Stanza 3 is very attractive to me, and you have conflicting lines about worthy art and empty pursuit of fame in stanzas 2 and 4 that really interested me as I was reading. Expand on that!

Nelson, I hope this isn't a goodbye to poetry, I'd miss reading your stuff. I really think you're very good.


( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: February 26, 2005 )

Again thanks for your time. This is definately not a good-bye. This was a piece I wrote several years ago, when I was going through a transition. Just added it for feedback. Thank you for your advice.

( Posted by: nelson [Member] On: February 26, 2005 )

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