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I had never visited a chiropractor before, but my back felt like someone shoved a nail in my spine so I made my appointment.

The doctor's office was actually an old house converted to an office building. The waiting room (which I suspect was the former living and or dining room) was pleasant enough. There were the usual magazines and nondescript plants. It was a little odd that there were no chairs. Instead what appeared to be upholstered benches lined up end to end were there in their stead. They reminded me of seesaws (with pleather).

A door opened at the end of the hallway and a man in a white coat appeared. At first I thought he was a kid because he was so short but as he came closer I noticed the balding patch.

"Hi, I'm Doctor Doug!" he chirped. This caught me a little off guard until I realized he was using his first name instead of his last name. Oh goody. Doctor Doug. Suddenly I felt like I was in an episode of Kaptain Kangaroo.

Dr. Doug showed me down the hallway into the room at the end of the hall. He had a crazy grin, like his lips were glued to his gums. This made me a little nervous. He was explaining to me how Chiropractic could solve all my problems. I wasn't paying attention because I had tripped over to the sideworld of wondering why his lips looked like that and how I was ever going to be able to call him "Dr. Doug" without bursting into laughter.

Next he ushered me into a small room with an Xray machine (which I suspect was formally a walk-in closet). No need to undress he explained. Great, because I was wondering if I wanted Dr. Doug with his crazy lips looking at me in a paper gown.

Click, click, flash, flash and Dr. Doug ushered me out while he developed my x-rays. I wondered exactly when Dr. Doug had found the time in Chiropractic school to take up radiology.

Finally, Dr. Doug appeared (still with the crazy lip smile) and inserted the films onto a white board that was lit from behind. There in the middle of the nobby areas of my spine was the large safety pin holding my bra together. Nice!
Dr. Doug didn't seem to notice. I was biting my lower lip to keep from bursting into cackles.

Dr. Doug was now pointing to a grey area which I thought was perhaps my stomach. Wrong! Dr. Doug was explaining just how much gas I had built up in my lower intestines. I pretended to cough to stiffle the laughter. Great, first the safety pin and now ...I'm gassy, too! What a treat!

Next Dr. Doug motioned for me to lay down on his table (that looked suprisingly like the waiting room benches). Well, that's not true because this bench had a donut shaped pillow with a hole for me to plant my face in. I laid down and as Dr. Doug started working on my back and slowly down my spine, for just a panicked moment, I had a horrible vision of Dr. Doug mashing the gas build-up right out of me.



------
All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream....
Edgar Allen Poe



Comments

The following comments are for "Dr. Doug"
by poesandpoetry

Very cute!
This isn't a true story, I hope? Regardless it's absolutely hilarious and very accessible- I think anybody could relate to that crazy doctor. Don't get me started on my gynecologist.
-Casey

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: February 19, 2005 )

Hey you!
Well done! It is indeed hilarious. You pulled me in so well I'll have to go back and reread for structure etc. Very enjoyable.

( Posted by: Gramma [Member] On: February 19, 2005 )

Docta Dug...
Hey PP - what's shaking?

Decided to go all out on this and offer a hefty critique. Hope you don't mind ;)

Softly is right - very accessible. I'm sure we've all had crazy bastards for doctors before. I know I have. Also, some of your observations, candid, are freakin' hilarious.

My favorites:

"I wasn't paying attention because I had tripped over to the sideworld of wondering why his lips looked like that and how I was ever going to be able to call him "Dr. Doug" without bursting into laughter."

"...for just a panicked moment, I had a horrible vision of Dr. Doug mashing the gas build-up right out of me. "


That said, there are a few things that need touching up. They follow...


- " Instead what appeared to be upholstered benches lined up end to end were there in their stead."

In their stead and instead are a redundant combination. Stick with instead.


- "He was explaining to me how Chiropractic could solve all my problems. "

Best to tack something on to 'Chiropractice'. Treatment would be my choice.


- "No need to undress he explained. Great, because I was wondering if I wanted Dr. Doug with his crazy lips looking at me in a paper gown."


I wouldn't want the bastard looking at me in a paper gown either ;) I'd pop in some quatation marks and a comma after 'undress'.


- "Click, click, flash, flash and Dr. Doug ushered me out while he developed my x-rays."


You used 'ushered' twice, close to one another. Change it up.



- "Finally, Dr. Doug appeared (still with the crazy lip smile) and inserted **the films onto a white board that was lit from behind."


Inserted? 'Tacked' onto the white board comes to mind, but I haven't gotten X-Rays in a long awhile, so I would just leave 'inserted', if that's what they do.



- "Dr. Doug didn't seem to notice. I was biting my lower lip to keep from bursting into cackles."


Cackles sounds really maniacal. Doesn't sit well in my brain, but that's just personal preference. It still works well as cackle.



- "I pretended to cough to stiffle..."

Should be stifle.


Anywho, that's what i got for suggestions. Hope I wasn't too nitpicky ;) Overall, an entertaining story.



Andrew


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 23, 2005 )

Dr. Doug
Thanks, shefallssoftly, gramma and SD. It was an odd topic.
SD, my god your OCD is terrible! Much worse than I thought, but you are absolutely right about everything. That kind of critique is exactly what every piece needs. Good to see your still here!

( Posted by: poesandpoetry [Member] On: February 23, 2005 )

PP...
I knew posting that piece would get me into trouble ;) and yes, I'm still here =P you won't get rid of me that easily.

("did he just use that done-to-death line?")


Andrew

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: February 23, 2005 )





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