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You are cool water to my parched love.
You are a winter breeze to my smothered dreams.
You are sustenance to my starving spirit.
You are the lifeblood for my scarred heart.

When you speak of loving me above all
Others, my breath catches and my love weeps.
Your love assures me that I am more,
Than what others have assesed my worth.

When you perform the most mundane tasks,
It appears to me a tapestry of perfection.
When you feel you are at your worst,
I can only see angelic radience saturating.

I attest that you are the most beautifully,
Perfect embodiment of God's creation.
I feel I don't posess the adoration you,
Deserve, but I am blessed to chance and attempt.

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The following comments are for "You Complete Me"
by nelson

A few notes
You've got a few spelling errors, ll.3 "sustence" = sustenance? ll.5 "whe" = when? Also, the commas that break up clauses like in lines 5-6 make it a touch confusing. Perhaps the feeling that lines should be considered clauses even if they aren't is derived from the heroic couplet. I'm not sure. Anyway, I like this poem. It seems like an almost tortured ode to someone you love so much it hurts. Nice.

( Posted by: shefallssoftly [Member] On: February 19, 2005 )

I appreciate your comments and suggestions. The feedback is what makes this such a helpful board.

( Posted by: nelson [Member] On: February 20, 2005 )

Love, devotion, and desire are pouring out of this poem. Look forward to reading more of you.


( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: February 22, 2005 )

You felt this poem perfectly. I wrote this to the greatest love of my life. I am priveledged to love and be loved by a angel of perfection.

( Posted by: nelson [Member] On: February 26, 2005 )

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