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After ten years,
We still baby-talk on the phone,
Using our pet names: Tweety, Hunny Bunny,
Sugar Booger.
I hear mock retching noises from the CFO’s office,
But that only eggs us on.

In the kitchen, we perform our silly sacred rituals
Cooking dinner way too late in the evening.
When the drained green beans get dumped in the Tuna Mac,
In unison, yell, "Spabbit!"
And always kiss three times.

We’re neither one of us the easiest people.
You never did quit smoking like I asked,
But I fart a lot,
Shed long red hair everywhere, and never vacuum,
So we’re even.

Amazed to have lived so long, you sometimes revel
In premature, self-proclaimed curmudgeonhood,
Perhaps a wee bit more than I’d prefer.
For my part, I suck at anger, so I clam up,
Harder to pry open than a childproof cap.
But I can’t stay mad too long – it makes me sick.
I’ll probably seek you out
Because I need a hug
Even if I don’t deserve one. Please! I’m sorry!

Soul mates? Who knows if there is such a thing?
Sometimes I think the best you can hope for
Is to find someone with compatible neuroses
And idiosyncrasies.
In our respective imperfections,
We are perfect for each other.

We are as happy as pigs in shit,
And as I look around the place,
That seems an apt simile.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Tweety. Sure do love you!
You are my best thing.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. - Groucho Marx

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The following comments are for "Icky Love Poem for my Tweety"
by LinnieRed

Much more honest than I'd expect from a Valentine's poem. Refreshing and funny.

But, "Suger Booger"? Ick.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: February 15, 2005 )

Viper - Icky pet names
Oh, that one's TomTerrific's fault. (See completely partial rating of "10" above.) It was one of those spontaneous things: I got home & yelled, "Hi, Hunny Bunny!" Naturally, he replied, "Hi, Sugar...Booger!" I'm sure you know what kind of staying power such utterances have - they stick like Super Glue and survive longer than toxic waste!

By the way, "Tweety" TomTerrific just joined Lit his own bad self and has begun bestowing comments upon unsuspecting Lit-sters. I absolve myself of all responsibility for his actions!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: February 15, 2005 )

A stye is just a stye...
Real life true love ain't pretty. Don't worry, things will change(hey I used a comma).

Your red hairs falling out will become fewer and grey, and your farts will smell worse. His traits will also grow more endearing. As Linda Rhondstat almost sang, love is a nose so you better not pick it.

( Posted by: drsoos [Member] On: February 17, 2005 )

This reminds me of my marriage
Very enjoyable. Real, true, lifelong love is the the stuff of farts and controlled anger.

[Dinsdale?] My wife and I engage in much such behavior. I will not divulge our nicknames for each other, even under torture, however. Although they also derive from cartoons.

I also noticed the name of y'all's band. Spiny Norman. Excellent. And when you play, does Dinsdale go very quiet and start wobbling and does his nose swell up and his teeth move about and does he get very violent and claim that he'd laid Stanley Baldwin?

I am also from Ohio. But not originally. Moved here on purpose from Boston, where people age more quickly because of the driving, weather, and general bad behavior. [Dinsdale!]

My senior creative writing thesis at Cornell was named "Nearly One," after a line in the "Camel Spotting" sketch starring Graham Chapman, in which, when asked, "And how many yeti have you spotted?" Graham's character answers, "Nearly One."


Hope to hear more from you in the future. Please note that I am a gentleman, and, what's more, I know how to treat a female impersonator.

( Posted by: andyhavens [Member] On: March 14, 2005 )

Andy: Icky Kindred Spirit!
I'm delighted to receive one of your famous comments - especially with such a hauntingly familiar refrain! [Dinsdale?] I'm pleasantly surprised that you found this little valentine so long after it was posted, and I'm gratified that you can relate to it. (Aww, c'mon! At least tell us which cartoon(s) your nicknames are from!)

Welcome to "flyover country"! We're happy to accommodate coastal refugees who wish to start a new life! If anyone says, "Please come back to Boston," just say "No!"

Glad to know that Cornell recognizes the historical/cultural significance of Python. (Then again, I'm assuming that your paper passed muster!) There may yet be hope for American higher education! I must confess that Tom is the true Pythonist in the family - my exposure is sorely lacking. (I've seen most of the movies, much less of the TV work.) One of our long-term financial goals is to acquire the complete body of "Flying Circus" on DVD to correct that gap in my own education.

If you haven't already done so, I invite you to read the music-oriented posts Tom & I have put up here jointly under the "SpinyNorman" moniker (under "Reviews.") I promise there's more to come!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: March 14, 2005 )

In the interest of avoiding a breach of the peace, a nailing-of-one's-head-to-the-floor, or other smilar untimely demise, we've vowed never to perform in certain neighborhoods in either London or Cleveland. I forget which.

I'm really not as curmudgeonly as all that, I just decided that, now that I'm well on the far side of 50 and am basically as un-curmudgeonly as they come, I'd better start practicing. But I really DO need to quit smoking. P'raps Doug or Dinsdale might offer me some encouragement. I hear they're cruel men, but fair....

( Posted by: TomTerrific [Member] On: March 14, 2005 )

PM to Demeter
Thanks, hon! It sure is nice to be missed!

Working through the ol' writer's block thing. Just inflicted a couple of long-winded PMs on ya - check your Inbox! ; )

For the record, Tom and I are as happy and icky as ever!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: May 11, 2005 )

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