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As I write this, it is February 8, 2005, my friends, and you know what that means! Well probably not, I’ve only done this once before and it’s been almost a year since I’ve written anything at all, but still, I’m gonna tell you. It’s time for E.G. Evans’ Grammy Predictions. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. After much waiting (and very little anticipation) E.G. Evans is back to once again make an ass of himself by pretending he knows anything about how the Grammy’s work and by talking in the third person.

Now some of you may be wondering where I have been hiding all of this time. Well, I would love to tell you about it but I honestly don’t have time. The Grammy’s are less than a week away and I need to get these articles out. But I promise this story will come. Until then…Grammy Predictions 2005!

The best trilogies have always come in 3 parts. The Godfather. Star Wars (the original ones, not the prequels). Indiana Jones. The Matrix. OK, let’s face it, in all trilogies, there’s usually at least one part that sucks. But still, just as I did last year, I am making this years Grammy predictions a trilogy. In part 1, I will cover what I consider to be the big 5, universal awards: Record of the Year, Song of the Year, Album of the Year, Best new Artist, and Best Short Form Music Video. So, without further ado, here we go…

Record of the Year
Let's Get It Started - The Black Eyed Peas; Here We Go Again - Ray Charles & Norah Jones; American Idiot - Green Day; Heaven - Los Lonely Boys; Yeah! - Usher Featuring Lil Jon & Ludacris

Okay, the award for Record of the Year is an award for best performance, in essence. It is not for the writing but for the performance. So despite the popularity of some of these songs – not to mentions the words “What?!,” “Yeah!,” and “Okay!,” I think the only 2 real contenders are Green Day and Ray Charles. The other songs were very good, just not exactly…let’s just say they weren’t quite written with a Grammy in mind. Now I will be the first to call myself a Ray Charles fan, as many of you are aware. However, there is no doubt that American Idiot was by far one of the most acclaimed albums of the year by all genres, whereas most of the focus on Ray Charles was on the movie, not his album. Norah Jones being the anti-Christ does throw a wrench into the works, but Green Day are punks from California, and I think even the anti-Christ wouldn’t wanna fuck with them.

Who should win: American Idiot – Green Day
Who will win: American Idiot – Green Day

Song of the Year
Daughters- John Mayer; If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys; Jesus Walks - Kanye West; Live Like You Were Dying - Tim McGraw; The Reason – Hoobastank

Song of the Year is the award for the best writing of the year. It is for this reason that I automatically rule out Kayne West and Tim McGraw. Hoobastank has a small chance, but John Mayer and Alicia Keys are much more Grammy-friendly, for lack of better phrase. That being said, I am a huge fan of John Mayer, but I feel that much of the album is far more indicative of his writing style and talent than this song. Do I think John Mayer deserves a Grammy? Hell yes. Do I think he deserves it for this song? Not quite.

Who should win: If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys
Who will win: If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys

Album of the Year
Genius Loves Company - Ray Charles & Various Artists; American Idiot - Green Day; The Diary Of Alicia Keys - Alicia Keys; Confessions – Usher; The College Dropout - Kanye West

Immediately I rule out User and Kayne West. No due to talent reasons but due to how the Grammy’s work. There have been very few R&B artists to win album of the year, and they were either crossover artists or white guys from Detroit. Ray Charles is a sentimental favourite, but not enough critical focus was on his music this year. Alicia Keys does have a very good history with the Grammy’s, but Green Day has broken every barrier that has been put up in front of them this year. Although considered elder statesmen in their genre, many critics questioned their relevance in today’s music world until they put out this album. It was the surprise smash of the year, it was on the top ten list of every magazine across the country, and was praised by such varied sources as Guitar World magazine and ConservativePunk.com. That’s right, a conservative group praised it. Plus it’s a concept album, and you all know how I feel about concept albums.

Who should win: American Idiot - Green Day
Who will win: American Idiot - Green Day


Best New Artist
Maroon5; Joss Stone; Kanye West; Gretchen Wilson

I’m going to be very blunt about this. I’m not a huge fan of any of these artists. I have nothing against them, per se, I just don’t think they were the most impressive acts to come out in this past year. But from an objective standpoint, critics have been rather warm to Joss Stone and Kayne West. However, Maroon5 have been very commercially accepted. I think they sound strange. I think “Harder to Breathe” sounds like it was sung by a Backstreet Boy trying to sound rock. And I think the music is catchy as hell and what pop is all about.

Who should win: Maroon5
Who will win: Maroon5

Best Short Form Music Video
Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand; American Idiot - Green Day; Flawless - George Michael; Walkie Talkie Man – Steriogram; Vertigo - U2

I have made it very clear thus far that I am a very big U2 fan. I have made it clear that I think Green Day will win damn near every award they are nominated for. Now I am going to say something that is going to shock you. I don’t think either one of them should win this award. U2 has made some amazing music videos in the past, and I do not believe that Vertigo was one of them. It is them playing in a moving bulls eye in the middle of the desert. Very cool image, very little concept, very disappointing. Also, although I believe the Green Day video was very powerful and very enjoyable, the video for “Take Me Out” just seemed to do more in the way of editing, imagery, and technology. Plus it was fucking cool.

Who should win: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand;
Who will win: American Idiot - Green Day

So that concludes part one of the Grammy Nominees trilogy, but don’t you fear, my gentle snowflakes. I will be back real soon with the next part in which I will cover all pop related Grammy’s. And I promise, I won’t disappear quite so quickly this time.

_______________________________________

For questions, comments, or future column suggestions, you can e-mail E.G. Evans at el_guitarro@hotmail.com. And he will actually read them for once, unless you use the screen name “newwoman.”



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Comments

The following comments are for "The Stage: Grammy Predictions Part 1 - Universal"
by E.G. Evans

Trilogies
I agree with many of your predictions, though I loved the "Vertigo" video and hope it will win (it won't).

BUT I burst out laughing when I read: "The best trilogies have always come in 3 parts." Well, yeah. ALL trilogies come in three parts! That's why they're trilogies!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

Bad Joke
Yes, Viper9, it was a cheap joke, but if it made you laugh, it served it's purpose. I am aware that by defintition a trilogy is a 3 part series, it was just a lame joke. Ozzy Osbourne was once asked if he was bothered by people laughing at him instead of with him on the Osbournes and he said, "What difference does it make, as long as they're laughing." I know live my life by that.

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

Ozzy
Hey, I like that. Ozzy is a wise man.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

Grammy Trilogy: Au Contraire!
I beg to differ regarding the assertion that all trilogies - or even the best trilogies - invariably come in threes. Douglas Adams' "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" trilogy (the books, as opposed to the radio, TV, or upcoming motion picture version) is actually in five parts. So there.

I thoroughly enjoyed this column, even though I'm embarassingly unfamiliar with most of the music mentioned therein. I'm a sometime musician, (OK, I'm just a drummer and a chick singer, not a musician, but I DO love music! And I sleep with a musician. Does that count?) yet I rarely listen to music on the radio anymore. On TV, my musical exposure is mostly limited to "Austin City Limits" on PBS. Thanks for helping to bring me up to speed on what "the kids" are listening to these days!

What a wonderful quote - and a wonderful philosophy - from Ozzy! My sentiments exactly! He's wise beyond his ears!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

"Grammy" P.S.: Thanks for the tip...
...about Norah Jones being the Anti-Christ! I suppose that explains a lot of recent world events. Silly me! I'd always thought it was Martha Stewart! (Could there possibly be TWO??? Yikes!)

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

LinnieRed
The Hitchhiker's series isn't a trilogy, it's a series (technically, a "quintet").

The word "trilogy" means: "a group of three related literary or operatic works" (OED). "Tri" means "three".

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

Kinda like a DUH!
Thanks for the erudite lecture on the obscure definition of the prefix "tri-", Vipe. So....that's why there were THREE wheels on my tricycle??? I took etymology too, smartass. ; )

I'm looking at the fourth and fifth "Hitchhiker's" books even as I write this, and they both say "Trilogy" right on the cover! Granted, Part 5, "Mostly Harmless," does call it "the increasingly inaccurately named 'Hitchhiker's' Trilogy," yet it remains, in defiant rebellion against rigid convention, a proud and emphatically self-proclaimed trilogy! I'd say literary freedom is more important than mere "accuracy," wouldn't you agree?

*SIGH* Some people are so damn literal and anal! E.G. - As far as I'm concerned, you can write your delightful trilogy in as many parts as you like! The more the merrier! Fight the fascist oppression of freedom of speech!!!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

Dear Linnie
Sorry LinnieRed, didn't realize you were in on the joke with the Hitchhiker's books. That's the problem with the internet -- you can't bloody well read tone, so it's hard to distinguish the sarcastic from the dimwitted sometimes! Glad to know you're one of the former!

That said, there have been a lot of the latter on this site in the time I've been here . . .

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: February 9, 2005 )

It's All Grammy Good!
No harm, no foul - I know darn well you're not an ass, Vipe! I forget that sometimes people online actually take me seriously! (Gee...nobody does in real life! Hmmmm....)

Now, in true Grammy fashion, everybody grab a cordless mic, link arms, and let's sing "We Are the World!"

E.G., I'm eagerly anticipating your next installment! Rock on!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: February 10, 2005 )





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