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After reading press release, from planners of proposed nationwide fast-food chain, CHRISTIAN'S, I decided to investigate and review. I was told they will be building their "eateries" near Women's Health Services and Family Planning Clinics, further conflicting some unfortunate women, in my opinion. (I give only 1 star for location)*
I didn't find their test menu to my taste, but many may. All entrees will include "Fresh flesh, CHRISTIAN'S style," prepared "Anyway you LOVE it." Fried, baked, broiled, sliced or diced, featuring house specials, like "Liver and onions, CHRISTIAN'S style." I couldn't stomach liver and onions as a child. Now I'm supposed to stomach a child's liver? I won't be ordering that special. Another house delight is "Sweet and spicy toddler toes..Tangy toes in our succulant marinade." That sounds too ethnic. (I rate the menu 1.5 stars)*
The slogans being tested won't get my vegetarian girlfriend to bite, but they are catchy..."You bring 'um, we'll sling 'um!".."If you like meat, you'll LOVE us!"..And my favorite: "Brains, we got 'um!" (Slogans get 3 stars)*
There could be some confusion when ordering. Example: "Would you care for white or dark leg?" This will be confusing for some, especially in the South. Example 2: "Breast in Broth, CHRISTIAN'S style- small cup or BIG BOWL." This choice will confuse all men and some women, as well. (I was assured this item would not appear on "Under 16 Menu"). Servers will also be trained to suggest a side of "Freedom fried fingers, CHRISTIAN'S style." How will any true American patriot be able to resist? (No rating, as yet, for service)*
I was next shown plans for dining areas. I think there may be a problem with proposed flashing neon signs, visable above each booth: "Before taking first bite, don't forget to thank God." I feel these will be pilfered, due to mass appeal. (No rating at this time for ambience)*
Finally, I was able to reach a nice couple, minor investers, who agreed to an interview, with promise of anonymity. The Reverend's Richard and Allen White admitted their proposal is not a modest one, saying it will be a "colossal undertaking." Claiming their "Fresh flesh, CHRISTIAN'S stlye" will make even veal lovers "salivate," the White's seemed a bit boastful. Afterall, they haven't opened a single "eatery"...
The concept does seem viable. Now it's up to the American buying public. Will we once again, not be underestimated? (Rumours other fast-food chains are testing in labs, to counter this new concept, have already been reported).
CHRISTIAN'S Eateries, coming soon to a neighborhood in your city.
*Rating of 1 to 4 stars does not reflect opinion of this paper and/or website. Opinions expressed are solely those of this reporter.
below the subliminal
deep within manipulation
that's where tr^th resides
2 Dec 2011