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Average Rating
9

(1 votes)


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9Robinbird

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As I roam from place to place

I gaze around the world

And all I see is clay they

very from place to place

Some are tall and some are short

Each has a different expression on there face

They get formed a little, a little each day

The colors and the faces fade away

I search for rocks and find only clay



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Comments

The following comments are for "Clay"
by poetfreak

Clay
I think you should think about swapping the rock and the clay in the last line so the poem ends in 'clay'

I search for rocks and find only clay' for example.

'looking around' in the first line is a little weak, how about 'hunting' or some other strong verb. And think about whether you are actually sitting, or is 'sitting here' cliche for being in a particular place.

'the colors and the faces fade away' is the strongest line in the poem. I'd keep working it and maybe expand on your thought. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: January 30, 2005 )

Insightful
I like this insightful piece. I wish I had your knack for saying so little with so few words.

(I want to be more like you when I grow up?)

I also agree with Philo's comments. These changes could make the piece stronger.

As always, I enjoyed reading. Please keep posting.

Felicia

( Posted by: feliciastone [Member] On: January 31, 2005 )

Thanks
Thanks for the help. Both of you have been helping me with my writing and I appreciate it.

PoetFreak

( Posted by: poetfreak [Member] On: April 1, 2005 )

Clay...
I would like to upgrade this to a 10, after reading 5 times, I know what I like, much...
and I like this very much, "Just Me."
~Robinbird~

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: April 1, 2005 )

Thanks
Thank you for finding some thing you like with my writing.

PoetFreak

( Posted by: poetfreak [Member] On: April 1, 2005 )





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