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this is a story that I think that I will be writting a series on in different parts.

“Starting engineers check on the DX-102, you had better get moving Corban, the test is about to start!” Corban groaned as he heard the message on the intercom. The pain in his side was still there and he hadn’t exactly had the best dream, it was the same on he had been having for years. He is trapped inside the belly of a giant underwater sub that is near the ocean floor and the controls and electronics are on fire. No matter what he does he can't put is out. Wiping a hand across his eyes, he struggled to get out of the stiff bed, a searing pain shot through his ribs as he sat on the edge of the bed. Looking at his clock on the wall next to him he mumbled to himself.

“Why do I do this to myself, I have no reason for staying on this job.” With a pain-laden push he stood and stretched to his full height. A hand went to the injured area of his abdomen and he massaged it, trying to loosen it up. “Stupid machine.” He had known as soon as he had gotten into it that there was something wrong with it. Sighing he reached for his uniform. “Shoulda known it couldn’t do a back flip.”

Hissing laboriously open, the door waited for the message in its scanners that Corban was through the threshold then slowly sighed, closed waiting for the next time he would arrive. Blinking his eyes to get used to the light Corban moved slowly down the narrow hallway to the elevator. Pressing the button the doors opened and he stepped inside. As the doors were closing he saw a hand shoot between them and they re-opened to reveal a perky young lady who said a sweet hi and entered beside him. The doors closed and the elevator started moving. Yawning Corban looked out of the view screen and watched the water that was thousands of feet below them slowly move closer. A sea gull flew passed and landed on a strut. He was so focused on watching the bird that he didn’t even notice when the girl started talking to him.

“Did you just wake up?” He looked at her, puzzled.


The girl giggled. “You look like you just came out of the machine cycle wash.” She winked and turned back to her view screen. He looked at her from the corner of his eye. She was a smaller girl probably just over a hundred pounds, but seemed athletic. She was wearing a blue uniform that he had never seen before. She wasn’t from his base, that wasn’t the type of uniform that they wore. He frowned. Nobody was ever allowed to visit this place. He turned to her.

“Are you new here?” The girl looked at him, the glint of the sun on her eyes made it seem like she was giggling at him. She nodded. “Who are you with, I haven’t seen that uniform before.”

“My dad is a troop leader here, this is my fist visit from the outside.” She flicked her hair out of her eyes. “I just got transferred here from my post in Calocat. I had started training there and my daddy got moved here for his position so after my training I was allowed to transfer.” He nodded in acknowledgment.

“So who’s your dad?”

“Corporal Jenkings.” She spun around in an energetic motion, offering her hand. “I’m Jesse Jenkings by the way!” He took it.

“Corban Hart. I am a lieutenant underneath your father.”

“Great, then I guess we’ll see a lot of eachother.” She scrunched up her nose into a cute smile and giggled again. Corban turned to the view screen and watched as the air was replaced with water. He looked down at the transport that was docked on the port side of the base, that was what he was taking. He let out a breathe to relax himself, today was going to be a big day, they had a lot to do. A shark flashed past, chasing a small group of fish. The girl let out a whistle of awe.

“I’ve never seen a shark before in real life. Do they attack you guys?”

“Yeah they do every once in a while, but they can’t do anything to us when we are in our suits, I’ve had to kill a couple every now and then.” She glanced at him.

“You’re a pilot?” He nodded.

“I am completing a final test on a prototype in front of all of our superiors.” Saying that made it click as to why she was going down, she was watching the test with her father, probably as a sorta introductory lesson for her first day here. That would explain it.The elevator stopped and they doors hissed open. A group of scientists and aids were at the bottom waiting for him. He turned to her as he walked backwards out of the doors.“I guess I’ll see you later in the test this afternoon.”

She nodded and waved goodbye as she watched him get swarmed by a huge mob of personnel who were all speaking at the same time of controls updates and procedures. She looked down the hallway as the group disappeared around a corner and saw that she was alone. She walked towards a map of the facility and looked for the viewing center. Finding it she turned towards the direction it was in and started walking. “This place is a lot bigger than my last base.”

Dreams that disturbe you when you sleep,
and haunt you when you are awake.
Make up a mirror of who and what you are,

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The following comments are for "Armageddon: Gateway to the Abyss-Part 1"
by chill

Good so far
While the storyline doesn't necessarily appeal to me yet, the writing is top notch. It's very descriptive and detailed as is most of your writing. Some of the dialogue could use a tweak here and there, just like everybody else's including professionals.

Plus, I like all the little touches you add that make the characters seem real, such as painful sides, watching seagulls and so forth.

I'm a little surprised that more people haven't commented on your work. What's up with that, yo?


( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: June 2, 2002 )

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