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this might become a song soon. i don't know. review, cause i like those :oP thanks.

~v

-

"Aggravated"

rub my wounds until their aggravated make me feel
i'm not good enough to be here
i never felt so alive
so deep underground
because i feel nothing
i feel nothing now
you wanted me to say goodbye
you wanted me to stay
i can't because there is no point
they live my life anyway
and i'll live on through them
numb inside my own skin
fingers pinching my tongue
keeping my opinions in
my hands rest against the floor
i know i can't get up
i won't
i don't want to get up anymore


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Comments

The following comments are for "Aggravated"
by Veruca Salt

Mmmm
I'm not as bothered by capitalization and punctuation, at least in poetry, as my compadre Rogan is. But I did think some of the line beats were awkward.

However, I liked the words and meaning of the poem as a whole. My favorite was: "i never felt so alive
so deep underground."

Good job,

Richard

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: May 30, 2002 )

Wonderful
As is typical of you, wonderful, wonderful work. I like the flow, and i mayself have a tendency to sometimes ignore the rules of capitalization when i'm writing out of emotion.

Keep it up. Right up.

( Posted by: E.G. Evans [Member] On: May 30, 2002 )

rules...what rules??
lol. 'make me feel' added to the 1st line was actually supposed to be the 2nd line. i'm just stupid and didn't press enter to start the next line. silly me.
about punctuation and capitalization, you'll probably never find that from me. hell, i'm not even capitalizing my words writing this. oh well... :oP i get caught up in the moment of actually having the guts to say how i feel.
thanks for the reviews. you all are sexy. lol.

~v

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: May 30, 2002 )

Emotional sculpture
I thinkt that you have a very good style (now that I've seen enough of your poems to notice the style) that creates a very real reproduction of a particular emotion, much like a realist sculptor. However, your mediums are words and events, not clay. When you're on, you write a very powerful poem. (You were on here.)
Specifically, I think this poem is nice because it has good analogies (living underground, fingers pinching tounge, and so on) and it gives the reader credit for intelligence ("they" referring back to "wounds" over that distance). Keep it up (I like reading your stuff!)

( Posted by: The Recycled Avatar [Member] On: August 31, 2002 )





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