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The wind whispers a silent prayer
The trees bend in answer
The ocean sings its song of praise
And the mountains, in their grace, raise

A mother hears her newborn cry
A father fights to keep his eyes dry
A baby girl knows instant love
An ancient grandmother smiles to God above

The rain tares down, purifying his creation
The sun shines, exposing everyone, in every nation
The clouds rush in, separating us for an hour
The thunder rages…revealing his power

A young girl grows into a woman
And finds herself looking for a man
Then finds him in her soul mate—a boy
And with him…she discovers her joy

The flowers grow, heaven bound
The air sizzles, a soul shattering sound
The leaves change, a sign of his magic
The snow is, at once, beautiful and tragic

When she stands at the alter, she feels his presence
When he loves her for the first time, it is sacred in every essence
And when the cycle begins once again…
With the sound of crying she hears through the pain
He lets the tears fall, steady as rain
He is overpowered with love
And he thanks the powers, God and his Son, Above

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind

(William Wordsworth)

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The following comments are for "His Gift of Love"
by seriousinsanity

...your best, my friend.

Though this has its moments - the first two lines of your third stanza, aside from the spelling error (tear - tare), comes to mind, as well as 'The leaves change, a sign of his magic /
The snow is, at once, beautiful and tragic- it lacked originality, uniqueness. I think you relied to heavily upon the commonplace, almost cliche imagery that is the stuff of Hallmark moments. Your fourth stanza is by far your weakest: woMAN / MAN seems like cheating, and the BOY / JOY lines talk rhythm. I'd capitalize 'Him' - the big G needs props.

The problem with poetry is that even the slightest spelling error, unless done with purpose, can send the seriousness of the poem spiraling downward. You made a few up there. That's not to say that this was a bad write, per se. With some stronger, more original imagery and some careful editing, I think you could deliver your message with even more power.


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: January 27, 2005 )

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