Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

The top drawer of the bureau was specifically used for organized trinkets-those
things that are rarely used more than once, and still had some relevant use
perhaps for the future, or be it, the next coming days-as they put it.
The metal pane in the window was cold to the touch, and from a distance seemed
even colder-but from here looking at it while fumbling through the drawer of
trinkets I can make a small bargain with myself without them knowing it-a
slight distraction was what I needed to fail this project-the books on the
nightstand with their pages left open at no particular way in no specific way.
I picked up a book of matches that had three missing-or used-or maybe their
were seventeen left. A confident manufacturer for a competent product-or maybe
like the window and the distraction element-a manufacturer making their own
agreement with the buyer-we use more than we need: "Excellent"-came that
annoying voice again.
"Cigarettes"-I replied back-my voice louder than usual:"Smart ass!"-the voice
returned, and in the background before the click, was a different voice-
sounded like a female-must be wearing a pitch protector or maybe she is the
reason why I am here.
The organized experiment project left a sour taste in my mouth-they don't give
me medication, it is all electronically simulated-Topographically I think-
They pin-point areas in my body and brain, and send simulated impulses through
the walls and I react however they think I will behave-The aliens use a
similar method, but humans seem to be more methodical and critical-I wonder
why sometimes because we are no more organized now than we will ever become.

D.E.M.-04 To Be Cont.


Related Items


The following comments are for "M13-The Organizer"
by Wetice

Feel as though...
...I've walked into the middle of something here, as though I'm missing some crucial tidbit of info. Since you submitted this as flash fiction, I'll judge it autonomously.

Formatting wise, this made my eyes bleed. Don't know if the wonky line structuring is intended or not, but either way I'd lose it. While it does give the piece a nice little rambling feel, it requires a bit too much focus (I'd much rather be paying attention to plot advancement that connecting 'for' and 'organized').

This was ambiguous enough to be interesting, but I cringed when I got to your last sentence - think it has something to do with where in the sentence you placed 'sometimes' (ie: I sometimes wonder why because vs. I wonder why sometimes because).

I'm still trying to figure out what sorts of repurcissions your last few sentences have. Is the fucker insane? I guess we are left to choose.


( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: January 26, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.