About a Boy - Rejecting Love
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In my life, I always found it extremely hard to relate to the people around me in the emotional and physical way that most couples do. It’s something that I don’t like about myself and sure enough, while I’m at a school function, whether it’s a football game, basketball game, or a school dance, it’s difficult to look at it all, as I am most likely sitting in the corner of the bleachers, watching everything go on before me. Observations, I feel, is how I came to feel this way and the actions of friends made me repulsed by the idea of love.
Perhaps I should tell you a little about myself. You’re probably thinking that I’m a junior at my local high school, failed miserably with relationships in the past years, and I’m only feeling this way because of it. Happily, I am pleased to say that you are wrong. My name is Devon and I am a freshman at Lincoln High School, located in Georgia. As being apart of the world for fourteen years, I have only been in one serious relationship, and some may feel that I jumped into it as a fling as everyone else around me was somehow tied and connected to somebody, but these feelings for Sakura were true and real and nothing could ever change that.
We broke up over the summer as we both would be going to different schools that were over, and basically, we would be going our separate ways, leaving everyone behind and lost in the world. After the break up, which just happened to be a mutual agreement, in which I feel all relationships should end in this way, Sakura haven’t been any closer. We talk everyday about the things that we usually didn’t when we were dating. It seems that we’re more compatible as friends than “lovers” if you will.
As time went on, high school started, which started a new life for me, as I was single, and most of my close friends were attached to someone that they loved. The first day, an annoying twit was amazed that my best friend was actually dating somebody, as if it was impossible for someone like us, of low popularity rate, to do such a thing. Of course, my friend was more than pissed off and there were words exchanged. One threatened to beat the other up, but that’s, where I believe, everything went sour.
About a month into the new school year that we needed anyone we can get our hands on, my friend broke up with his girlfriend, leaving her in devastation for a good three days, when at the end, she explained that she’s finally over the whole situation, something that I found uniquely odd in a girl, such as Jenny.
When I finally was able to gather more in-depth information about how she got over it so quickly, it was remarkably queer for her to be over it so quickly. I asked her questions and obviously, she persuaded that he was the bad guy of the situation and that it would happen sooner or later. Not even a month later, to everyone but Anna Marie’s horror, she dated a sophomore nerd that wore a black trench coat with a dirty t-shirt and khakis.
Finally, everyone cared again. Every cared that it was happening. A support group was formed, so Jenny wouldn’t be hurt again. Basically, it was an anti-Alan support group. Luckily, she broke it off, because she couldn’t say that she loved the guy.
Let me tell you about Jenny and her relationship with my friend.
It all started a couple days after Valentines Day, and it was very sweet, although my friend felt extremely pressured into doing something that he wasn’t too comfortable doing at the time. Soon enough, they were a couple, and everyone in the group was tied to someone, somehow, someway. It was great. Movie nights, group get togethers, and mall escapades was all that we talked about. We all cliqued so incredibly well.
The two were meant for one another. Everyone was envious of their seemingly perfect relationship. There were no fights, no bitter discussions about anything in front of people, unlike what Anna Marie and her boyfriend always did. It was a blessing to be around two people that loved one another. It was just a reality shock to me and my relationship, which started to go downhill.
Everyone was thrilled with the two’s accomplishments and I was the one that felt the best out of everyone. I got those two together and after a while, I finally got my thank-yous from each of them. At get togethers, they knew how to flaunt their relationship, tickling one another, a secret kiss here and there, and the obvious wandering away during Hide-and-Seek-Tag. It was just perfect to see them together.
They both told me that they loved one another, which made me feel even better about myself. I finally did something right after I had been accused to be such a horrible person to the world and society itself, but I knew deep inside I did something right for two people, which was completely unselfish of me, as I have been called earlier in their relationship by an outsider.
But then, in early October, he broke up with Jenny and they were both heart broken by the situation, nobody could deny it, and if either of them do, it’s a sickening thing. After enough time, the two were able to talk to one another, but it was never a perfect post-breakup relationship.
After everyone cared, there was rumor that Anna Marie was attempting to pursue a relationship with at least three different guys at one time, in which I found to be ridiculous and stupid, and of course, because of something that I didn’t exaggerate, nobody took my comments well.
How can somebody pursue three different people at one time?
I never figured it out, but right now, she’s happy with her current boyfriend for about two and a half weeks, and when I think about things, I don’t believe how it all worked, and it still makes me feel uncomfortable.
So what can I do? There’s nothing that I can think of, but there must be something- something that I haven’t thought of yet.
I took it in myself to realize what made Anna Marie proclaim her absolute and undying love to her new boyfriend. Sure, people fall in love, but they fall in love how and because?
I have never fallen in love, just been in a really big crush, if you would put it, and I believe that, until I experience it, you cannot say you love somebody only after a week. It seems unreal and very, very stupid, because you do not know the person you’re going to proclaim your love to. I mean honestly, when you think real hard about it, one day you can be saying things like, “I love you more than life itself,” “When I first saw you, I forgot to breathe,” and “I will be with you until you don’t want me to anymore,” and another day you’re cussing the kid out because he broke up with you, which leaves you in more hurt than waiting to say you love them.
Love, like hate, is a very strong word, which is expected to be used carefully. Using it in the wrong situations can cause backfire, but in others, could mean everything to the person that you say it to. It just saddens me that I have to fee like this, and no, I am not anti-love, or anti-relationships. I just happen to be confused about the entire situation.
So there’s only one thing that I can turn to advise myself whether or not to make a big deal about it with other people helping me out. That’s when I turned to the school newspaper, the Baby Roar, in which I have a column that I have to write something and I believe that this is the time to write something about love since Valentines Day is coming so soon.
I was assigned to write relationship tips and advice for my column, and very rarely, do I ever get an assignment for my column. Of course, I agreed, because I would have another article or two in the paper. I started writing it and I got advice from Jenny about the whole thing. Only recently did she discover that I liked someone for a very, very long time, and she used that against me in my questions.
I asked her if it was possible to love at the ripe age of fourteen, and of course, she said yes, because she, after her break up with Alan and my friend, is so unbelievably positive about love and how it can work. She practically insulted me and my feelings about the situation at hand. She said that it’s complete and utter nonsense for me to write about it when I say I could say “I Love You” to the person that I really like. I couldn’t believe her and that was the last time we talked to one another.
So, after time, I quickly wrote the article, but it wasn’t about love and keys to follow in order to have a very successful relationship, however, it was about how love is prejudiced against, because by Valentines Day, I found the person that I’ve always liked. I was happy with him.
But unfortunately, this happy story does not end happy so easily, now does it? There’s always that something that will eventually get me, and in this case, it has.
I did write the article about proclaiming love. I did, and somehow, someone else found it and handed it in to the newspaper staff when I wasn’t present for the meeting. Thankfully, however, it was submitted under anonymous, but of course, there’s always a twist with how things are done in my life.
I just happened to show the article before I had a change of mind on the entire situation to Jenny. She was the only other person that had a hard copy of the material, and I could’ve sworn that I didn’t do anything to make it get published, and actually, I didn’t want it published at all.
That’s when all the hell started. While I was busy in a great relationship, Jenny went to Anna Marie with the article that she had published and the outraged behavior begins. Innocent I does not realize until I have two screaming girls coming up at me, telling me that love is possible and I shouldn’t have said it. At that time, I was standing by my locker, waiting for my significant half, and so they don’t get any impressions, he walks by when I motion him to continue walking. I see him plant his feet two classrooms down and he watches as I am being screamed at.
Everyone in the passing hallways notice and finally, someone, who I wish hadn’t, made an appearance. It was my junior friend, Apanda, who I already discussed my relationship with Anna Marie.
As soon as she came into view, she shoved Anna Marie and told her to leave me alone. Of course, Jenny stopped yelling at me and pushed Apanda, which was one of the biggest mistakes that she made.
“Who the hell are you? You aren’t Anna Marie! Don’t touch me, kid,” Amanda said, pushing Jenny back.
Anna Marie finally got to her feet and pushed back at Apanda and both Anna Marie and Jenny were attacking Apanda. Soon enough, Goose came to his senses, and came over to take Anna Marie off of Apanda as I did Jenny.
Screaming and kicking, Anna Marie pushed Goose to the ground, attempting to get out of his grasp. Jenny stopped moving, knowing that it would only get more difficult as time progressed. Apanda then threatened Anna Marie and told her to leave her alone, or else she’ll get beat.
Over time, Apanda and Anna Marie were suspended from school and convicted of disturbing the peace, assault and battery, while Anna Marie was under the influence. With all of this, I had the chance to retell the school what he meant by the article that he didn’t want published at an all school assembly.
When I entered the auditorium, I heard boos left and right, screams of hatred, as I was being escorted in by the school resource officer, I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to be doing this. I approached the microphone and everyone became silent. I took a deep breath and began to speak.
“I want to start out by saying; although I could only imagine you will not believe me, is that this article that I wrote was before something special happened to me and my life. Something that I didn’t expect, a surprise, made me whole, and changed my perspective of the entire situation of love.
“Although I am not prepared enough to expose myself, I learned a lot from everyone around me. There’s a difference between love and love. There’s a difference by the way one might interpret love, but most importantly, there’s a difference in how you show your love. That was the one thing that I did not understand, however, this article that created hell and chaos between me and all of you, wasn’t supposed to be published at all. But it was.
“I thought that I could trust my friend when I showed the hard copy to her, but somehow, it wasn’t the right thing to do, putting me in this situation, which I certainly know that I do not feel comfortable in,” I said as I took a breath and looked at Jenny right in front of me. I shook my head, “But this is my battle since you all put this on me, and I have lost the battle. You all didn’t take my opinion seriously, and I can assure you that I have shifted my views on everything concerning love, however, Jenny, you were right.”
I stepped down off of the stage and walked out of the auditorium, and out there, I saw my friend, Kadin, and my man, Goose. I said thank you and hugged Kadin and then I wrapped my arms around him. It was my first kiss.