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I was so lucky to be able to take the journey of my dreams. I have always wanted to go to Africa, now finally I have saved enough money to take the journey of my dreams. I am so afraid of flying, that I am taking a ship to the Cape of Good Hope in South Africa. This will take a week instead of hours if I flew. I could do with a stress free trip on a ship. There is a legend associated with this place, when I hear it, it sends chills up and down my spine.
A long time ago, a Dutch ship sank off the coast of the Cape of Good Hope. The captain was so pleased at everything he had achieved on this journey, and he was so caught up in his thoughts, that he didn't notice the black clouds of their upcoming doom. There are some awesome rocks off the coast, and he didn't even see them. The ship hit the rocks and sank during an awful storm. As the ship was sinking the captain said, " I will round this cape even if I have to keep sailing until doomsday." With these words he supposedly doomed the Dutch ship to forever sail. It is also said if you are one of the unfortunate souls to see the Dutch ghost ship, it means impending doom. Now this is a ghost story worth being told, as it makes my blood run cold. But myth and folk lore are not to be taken seriously. But this myth does possess the power to send chills up one's spine.
This is just a silly myth, so it does not stop me from pursuing the journey of my dreams. I am standing on the deck of my ship, looking out into the same ocean that engulfed the Dutch ship so long ago. As I look out into the calm sea and think about the legend, I can't help but feel a little fear as it creeps into my soul.
There is no wind stirring, the sea is so calm, it looks like a piece of glass. So calm and placid. The other passengers go about their business and they show no fear, as we are in the waters where the old legend took place. From what I understand the captain of the doomed ship wanted to devise a trade route around the Cape of Good Hope. But his wants were never achieved, at least not in this life any way.
The Flying Dutchman is not actually the ship, but the captain that unknowingly cursed his ship. I can't believe someone could be so caught up in their thoughts, they couldn't see the upcoming danger. But the poor captain did. The wind is starting to blow a little bit harder than it was. There are a few dark clouds in the sky, but I don't think anything will evolve from this.
The sun is now setting in the horizon, making a beautiful sunset. As darkness approaches, the wind seems to be kicking up a little more. I am debating with myself, whether or not to go to the galley to eat my supper. This trip really presents some hard decisions. This is definitely called a stress free trip. But it was my intention to get away from it all.
I notice the ship is starting to feel like she is on rough seas. Kind of like turbulence, when flying in a plane. No one seems to be paying attention to this as they go about their business, showing no worry.
As if it comes from no where, as darkness falls, we can see the sharp lightning and hear the heavy thunder. Looks as if we are in for a storm. So I guess now I will go in as it has started raining. I look off the starboard side of the ship, and what I see, I just don't believe. A strange light lurks about two hundred yards in the distance. I can see a mast and sails as if the ship comes from a different period in time.
Our captain tries to hail her, but there is no response. Only silence! Now, the chills start really going up and down my spine. Everyone sees this thing, not just me. Could this really be the Flying Dutchman? We are having one awful storm and with what I just saw, I definitely start to feel fear.
The jagged rocks now are our problem as we try to avoid them. Blindly sailing in an immense storm. All of a sudden we feel an awful jolt. We hit the rocks, and now our ship is sinking. But in the distance lurks the phantom ship, as if it were waiting on us to die. Waiting and lingering, as if they were waiting to escort us into oblivion with them.














------
Lanaia Lee


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The following comments are for "The Dutchman"
by abbey74

Ghost ship...
...heya - only nine views? That's not fair ;)

Couple things I notice right off the bat. Some of your sentences are awkward. Some that come to mind:

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I was so lucky to be able to take the journey of my dreams. I have always wanted to go to Africa, now finally I have saved enough money to take the journey of my dreams.

(Double 'journey of my dreams'. Sounds fishy)

This will take a week instead of hours if I flew.

(Just sounds weird. Meaning blurred by wacky word order)

...that he didn't notice the black clouds of their upcoming doom. There are some awesome rocks off the coast, and he didn't even see them. The ship hit the rocks and sank during an awful storm.

(I'd put 'impending' in place of upcoming. You also switch tenses when you say 'there ARE' - present, then - 'he DIDN'T' -past. You also switch tenses in your last paragraph, too)

There are a few more touch-ups I would make, stylistically, to make this run a bit more smoothly. You have your moments, however, of greatness. Your ending, for instance, minus the foible of tense changes, is harrowing: 'escort us into oblivion'. Great image. I also liked how you described the sea as calm, placid, like a piece of glass. Makes me think that your narrator's ship is sliding across a smooth, frictionless surface, more out of control than she thinks ;)

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: January 27, 2005 )





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