The following comments are for "Those Eyes" by poetfreak
i was just reading your latest offering. you know what? i would like to know more about this person you're writing about. why are their eyes hot AND cold? who are they? hey, even if you have to make-up a story, who cares?
i also like your handle: poetfreak. it's kool.
Posted by: johnjohndoe [Member] On: January 23, 2005
I like this poem. I need to learn how to write shorter lines and shorter poems.
I noticed you added punctuation after the comment that was made on your last poem. However, the commas should be pauses and periods, should end complete thoughts.
Something like this:
In your stone cold eyes,
I can see your hate.
In your eyes, I can see your pain.
In your eyes, I can taste your anger;
I feel the scorching fire in your raging eyes.
Curious, is this person you write about an adversary or an ex?
To answer some of your questions this poem is about my ex girl friend. I was describing how she makes me feel. She would get me angry and wound up and I described that as fire. And she could break me into and she would for fun or to be manipulative and I described that as cold. But now when she doses those things to other people I can see it in her eyes.
Posted by: poetfreak [Member] On: January 23, 2005
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