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Radical fundamentalist Muslims’ greatest source of fear and anger regarding the West in general and the United States in particular is the corrupting influence of our decadent culture.
Right-wing Christian Fundamentalists share this revulsion and ire toward our sex-obsessed hedonistic ways, unwittingly aiding the terrorists.
If modesty and wholesomeness prevail, the terrorists win.
Wake up, America! Our best weapon in the war on terror is our corrupt and corrupting culture.
We’ve already got the sheiks wearing Gucci, gulping Chivas, gambling and whoring; reveling in our multitude of infidel sins; thereby provoking the wrath of the mullahs and ayatollahs declaring jihad.
But what can the holy men of hate offer the common man? Servitude? Frugality? A stolen glimpse of an ankle? A promise of virgins to die for?
Against this we can easily win the battle for hearts and minds. It’s time to take it to the Arab street.
We’ve got what you want; Mr. Middle East, and we’ve got it now! Now! NOW!
Gap for the Gulf! Hillfiger for Hezbollah! Fendi for fundamentalists!
Seagram’s for Sunnis! Chardonnay for Shiites! Crack for Khartoum! Zima for anti-Zionists! Playstation for Palestinians! Ecstasy and X-Box for extremists! Who has time for Jihad when there’s Grand Theft Auto?
We’ll beam in Howard Stern around the clock all over the dial. Let’s give them MTV, Eminem, M&Ms, ODB, HBO, LSD, J&B, ABC! Girls on Film, Girls Gone Wild, Girls Girls Girls! Sex in Sadr City, Immodest Housewives, Will and Unchaste, 24 hours a day of Madonna and Brittany Spears videos interrupted only by footage of them kissing each other! Janet Jackson’s breasts (both of them!) with “malfunctioning” pasties! Neverland of Nablus, DisneylandDamascus! Come on, mosqueteers! Let us lead them into temptation.
It is a patriotic duty of every American to wallow in and promote worldwide the deep-rooted shallow cultural values that make our country great. Resist any urges of modesty and moderation. Victory is within our grope! We need only to grin and bare it.
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesman and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do."
- Ralph 'Where's Waldo' Emerson
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like. And I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
- Bilbo Baggins