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10Demeter
10JEANNIE45
10Penelope

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eating into something


my cuticles linger in one corner
like neglected, curled birthday ribbons

the ones (my bitten fingernails): continue in their orgy
asking, "how does one find love?"
counting countless birthdays, not a cake though
glancing at my youth;
mirror. word smitten. the years break themselves --

{apart} from the
avalanche of memories, rapt in final wrinkles

i, am, too, old, for, this;
the world is scheming farther away
from my fundamentalist's thoughts

i am no young man
finding reasons from too many books
like split infinitives, rephrasing life
each moment frays the clouds; sun, unnoticeable


2005 andronymous | Author: Clee Andro

------
Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary. -- Sir Cecil Beaton (1904-1980) English photographer


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Comments

The following comments are for "eating into something"
by Idomis

Eating into Something
Idomis;
This is just breath taking, Iloved it... like 'Shakespeare' once said, " have understood my time". thanks for an excellent read...

Blessings,
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: January 10, 2005 )

i's and I's
I think the lower case i fits well here:

"i, am, too, old, for, this"

but later on it is unwarranted, unless rewritten as:

"i IS no young man"

Reggards,

Tefl0n

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: January 10, 2005 )

"i" think
Thank you, guys, for appreciating this latest work. The "i" by the way is intentional to give an underlying emphasis. I find the commas appropriate, too, as they show a stark feeling of contemplation.

( Posted by: idomis [Member] On: January 10, 2005 )

a ten
garcia villa's comma poems have been criticized because he focused on his metaphysical doveglion. your use of "i, am, too, old, for, this" is both appropriate to the tone of the poem and a practical device. I myself use commas to force the reader to give weight to certain words, and pause for a certain rhythm that would seem unnatural but may be warranted by the tone. i.e., modern: lady: her daily smile: each, a throb-bing, heart, caught, unawares, by her lover'(s), dagger.

( Posted by: webguy [Member] On: January 11, 2005 )

Stir up
webguy:

Near to your comments are the exact tones -- in varying degrees: the relative use of punctations, commas specifically, and the power of suggestion that holds a certain aura of a line or series of thoughts -- as "enforced provocation."

Thanks for stimulating our minds, as well.

( Posted by: idomis [Member] On: January 11, 2005 )


Hello!

I find the "i" remarkable, taking a strong lead in this case now -- running away as a victor instead. But yes, I totally appreciate your idea, Penelope. This is the nth time that you have called my attention on it. We could discuss endlessly, but the best way to merit everything now is to see things in a different light -- fit to your perception. As of this case, "eating into something" within you.

I still believe in the unlimited powers of self-expression in driving a certain point or concept.

I maintain,
idomis

( Posted by: idomis [Member] On: January 11, 2005 )





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