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[Authorís note: In response to a rapidly diminishing number of requests, I skipped this morningís dose of prose-ac in order to perpetrate another wanton act of alleged poetry. Remember Ė Iím just responding to peer pressure here.]

Must be a mixed breed,
Crossed with an Afghan hound.
Flowing Titian tresses
Shed all over the damn floor,
Sticking everywhere we step
And reappearing as if by magic
All through the laundry.
Geez, Tweety!
What are your socks made out of? Velcro?
Pick and pull, pick and pull, strand by strand
As each pair emerges from the dryer
(the auxiliary underwear drawer.)

I can never catch the elusive creature at it,
But it must curl up in my La-Z-Boy
When Iím not looking.
I arise from my recliner
With a gossamer auburn web
All over my butt
On my black yoga pants.
Damn dog! (Thatís my storyÖ)

I suppose thereís something I could do about it,
But Nature abhors a vacuum,
And Eureka makes me feel
Like a natural woman.

I have to tie the beast(s) up
Every time I walk into the kitchen
Lest all our dinners sprout devil hair pasta/floss.

Donít ask me how I can tell,
But I can usually feel when one of them
Is attempting to slip away from the others.
It touches the skin on my arm on the way down
As it attempts to snuggle down into the crook of my elbow
Or hang from my sleeve like a sloth.
Dear obsessive-compulsive little Deb, at work,
Gorilla-grooms the ones sliding down my back.
She canít help herself.

I swear the damn things materialize
Out of the dampness left in the bottom of the tub
When I step out of the shower.
And sometimes when I go to the bathroomÖ
Well, we wonít go there.
Suffice it to say
Youíre not supposed to floss THAT end!

Kinda pathetic, really Ė
The way Iíve allowed them to define my identity,
The most immediate and overt of the many ways
Iíve always been differentiated from others.
My favorite uncle nicknamed me after them.
The black girls I grew up with
Often seemed fascinated by them,
Touching, stroking, braiding them
As they sat behind me in the bleachers
During assemblies and movies and whatnot.
I didnít mind, really.

I suppose Iíll miss them when theyíre all gone,
Usurped by the white ones infiltrating as we speak.
At least I know that Iíll keep finding traces of them
For a long time yet.

I donít have any children of my own.
This is my legacy,
I guess.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. - Groucho Marx

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The following comments are for "D**n Irish Setter..."
by LinnieRed

Linda/Irish red
Yep. I love self deprecating humour done well. Erma Bombeck has me rolling off my bed laughing when I read her and you reminded me of her. Well done.
- I suppose thereís something I could do about it,
But Nature abhors a vacuum,
As indeed do I!! Loved this one. regards huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: January 8, 2005 )

Huni: Like Erma??? I'm honored!
I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

I'm terribly flattered that you compared me to Erma Bombeck. I suppose it's no accident - we're from the same hometown, and she was born the same year as my mother. I grew up reading Erma's columns in the local paper and her books from the library. Though it's been years since I recall reading her work, I imagine she's become part of my literary DNA. Thanks!

( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: January 9, 2005 )

Afraid I'm not going to say much new, except that i like this BUT its just too too verbosely wordy in a languagey sort of fashion where the poem gets lost in too much descriptive description.

You seem like a writer who is in love with writng, which is a good thing, but next time...let it flow, enjoy the process, then...edit,edit,edit.

You're writing is too good, too fun to let me lose interest because i'm wading (through the fluff) and waiting (for the good stuff).

OK. But still, you make me laugh. the velco sock ,and the black yoga pants create an immediate visual. I really like your writing and actually think its more insightful than Ol Erma. Maybe try one for me (the disenter) that's short and sweet and powerfully funny, and see how it goes???

Wrock On, Brad

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: January 13, 2005 )

Linnie...& another thing
It strikes me that you might make a great columnist. Why not try to write a 600 word column on one of your "life's little (e)vents" type of things. You seem to have a knack for writing relatable stories, and dealing with the dire in a light way, and the light in a dire way. Might really work. Brad

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: January 13, 2005 )

Deme & Brad, re: D**n Setter
Erma AND Dorothy??? Aw, shucks, De! I'm speechless! (Oh, yeah, as if!) If forced at gunpoint to name a favorite poet, it would be Dorothy. I must go back and read more of her work ASAP. Humble thanks!

Brad: Point taken re: verbosity. Perhaps I should try to start each day's writing with a haiku, to practice the discipline of brevity. If I come up with any good ones, especially funny ones, I'll toss 'em up here fer ya. And I'll sharpen my electronic blue pencil.

I also think you're on to something with your suggestion that I try the "column." It HAS occured to me that a column might be my most natural genre. Too damn long-winded to be a poet, unless you're talking "Faerie Queene" proportions. Fiction's a problem 'cause I haven't yet figured out how to make shit up. (Unless you count lying, of course. I could never pull that off either. God knows I tried.) I'll keep that in mind for future posts. But...just 600 words??? Geez....

Direly lightly & lightly direly yours,


( Posted by: LinnieRed [Member] On: January 15, 2005 )

Short story
in free verse form. Which I think is completely acceptable. Lots of us who read and write poetry here are used to the shorter form but its not the length that I think folks are reacting to. I think you could cut. Boil it down a bit more and it may make for a tighter read and richer flavor.

Even if this was in the short story form, I think may hear the same kind of comments. I don't think you need as many examples of behavior in order to get the point across.

Less broth and more meat and veggies because as others have said, those are some tasty morsels in there. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: January 17, 2005 )

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