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10amusedlilboy
10Ariana
10Clairesbest
10LC
10TheGadfly

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Mind without a heart,
relentless in its fight,
to reach a place away from where
darkness sheds its light.
Turns and looks away;
thinks before he might,
feel a pain beyond that place
where thoughts change into sight.
Searching for, relentlessly,
what's too far away to ever see,
a soul that dreams inside of me.

Heart without a mind,
relentless in its flight,
to reach a place away from where,
darkness turns to light.
She turns and walks away;
thinks that she just might,
feel a warmth beneath soft lace,
where hopes tell her what's right.
Searching for, relentlessly,
anyway to make it be,
a love her mind won't let her see.




*Penned October 9th, 1987



------
below the subliminal
deep within manipulation
that's where tr^th resides

2 Dec 2011






























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Comments

The following comments are for "Relentless"
by Bobby7L

classic
This reminds me of classic poems.
You also had some very memorable lines, such as "Mind without a heart".
Very nice, I feel inspired by this.

( Posted by: amusedlilboy [Member] On: January 2, 2005 )

Great flow
I enjoyed the continuity of thought in this write. My only suggestion for improvement is a subtle shift in grammar in the opening lines:

"Mind without a heart
relentless in its fight
To reach a place away from which
the darkness sheds its light."

Remove all the apostrophes as they are unnecessary and change "where" to "which."

A very beautiful poem.

( Posted by: TheGadfly [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

Gadfly: apostrophes
Thanks. Am usually better at editing. Appreciate the kind words.

Robert William

( Posted by: bobby7L [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

Claire:Rating "Relentless"..
Thank you for reading and the extravagant rating.


Robert William

( Posted by: bobby7L [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

Claire: dripping paint..
My maternal Grandmother was a painter/poet. There were imperfections in her works.."Character"..Thank you for kind words.


Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

Claire: Everything happens...
..for a reason...Subliminal powers at work..Thanks for making me think. Inspiration is a wondrous thing.


RW

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

Inspiration
it's been a long time since ive been reading or writing poems. I've been busy and have sort of lost myself in the chaos. I just want to thank you for having such a wonderful piece there for me to read on my return.

( Posted by: LC [Member] On: January 5, 2005 )

LC: Inspiring.....
Thank you for kind words and rating. I'm new at site and have found it inspiring. I've learned much already. Thanks again. Keep writing.


Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 5, 2005 )

Bobby... of dichotomies.
Bobby,

A glowing read. The refraction and asymmetry work to convey two facets which should complement each other, but often don't.

Thank you for this.

Best,
Ariana

( Posted by: Ariana [Member] On: November 1, 2008 )

Ariana..All is Heart...and mind
Ariana-
For extravagant rating and kind words, much thanks.

I stopped rating poems here early in 2005, submitting "Not a poem for a 10", shortly thereafter.

Ciao,
Robert William


( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: November 1, 2008 )





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