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Aged fingers pull aside leaves covered in time's dew
And, in the forrest clearing, I see me and you
I see us standing, close but not touching
I wonder why, back then, I felt such a need for rushing...

I was looking for arms to hold me tight
I was looking for someone to whisper to me in the night
I was looking for wordss to make my eyes mist and my heart cry
I was looking for that one thing we all look for in a guy...

You were looking for me to love you back
You were hoping that when you leaned in, I wouldnt step back
You began seeing that I was everything you wanted
You had no intention of leaving me broken hearted...

Together we looked for what we longed to have
We held each other, for lack of anyone else to grab
We shared things that can never be returned
Everything we did was a lesson learned

Back then, when we stood so very close...not touching
I was looking into your eyes for something
And when I saw it I knew that a girls dreams could come true
The WomanChild in me was looking for the man inside of you

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind

(William Wordsworth)

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The following comments are for "WomanChild"
by seriousinsanity

The poem is rich in emotion. Now that you can express emotion, the poems to come can benefit from striking imagery, For example, " for lack of anyone else to grab" sounds almost like a cliché for such a romantic piece, and the same idea could be expressed as "clutched by frustration" or stronger, rendered in your vocabulary, of course.



( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

woman child
a very well use of paradox in the title and in the context..
the paradox between the innocence of child and the adult sense woman is very creative..
the poem is emotive, like teflon said,,I enjoyed it very much


( Posted by: fairgrace [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

teflon and fairgrace
teflon- i dont usually really *think* when i'm just kind of comes out onto the paper without me doing that much to it. now i'm working on incorporating your helpful comments into my writing. thank you!

fairgrace- i always love your comments! hehe...i love this paradox myself...mostly because i epitomize it at the moment i think :-P. i heard the word "womanchild" in some song on the radio and i couldnt resist...


( Posted by: seriousinsanity [Member] On: January 8, 2005 )

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