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A smokey haze fills the night
In the circle, all is right
Inhale, exhale--the rythm forms
The world's problems become no more
And, as your problems melt away
You give no thought to the next day
The day after that will soon be here
Monday, tuesday, a week...a year
For now, obliviance is intoxicating
Far better than all of this waiting

------
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind

(William Wordsworth)




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The following comments are for "Obliviance"
by seriousinsanity

serious: Oblivious....
Very thoughtful..Not sure of the word "obliviance"?...It's late though, maybe it's me...Good read. Keep writing.

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

Brelevance
Obliviance - this is rather daring of a new word. Especially when it suggests that surrealistic imagery si to follow. The imagery bordering on the oblivion and ignorance? I think it is uniquely and simply described towards the end. "Far better than all of this waiting" is 9 syllables versus the previous line's 12 - it explains why it sounds drawn out. The punch line that is out of sync usually steals the thunder of the whole thing. In this case it does not do much damage, because the punchline arrives in the previous line. This also means you could swap them.

Have fun exploring,

Teflorer.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

serious: New word...
That's cool.. I was thinking it was oblivious and ignorance combined...Pretty cool..Keep writing..


Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

teflon and bobby
i'm so thrilled that you guys take notice of my stuff...and that you actually think about it. :-P

i didnt really mean to do that...the whole new word thing...but i guess it worked out. the story of this poem is actually quite funny. i'd just finished my health and fitness exam and my mind was on...well you know. LoL. my friends thought it was pretty funny. it's kind of an inside joke now.

thanks guys.
Meg

( Posted by: seriousinsanity [Member] On: January 8, 2005 )





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