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Long ago
In a far away place
This is distant land
Never to be replaced
But sometimes slipping away
Becoming something
That was never there anyway
But in the fogs and mysts of yesterday
Lay a story that sneaks its way through...
You begin to live through a fantastical truth
A princess in rags
No one knew her worth
Except for a prince
Who slayed her dragons
And vanquished her fears
But through all of those years
He never saw her love
Or even her tears
Then, one day
The princess had enough
She went to the Queen
Who gave her an apple
Down down down she fell
Into the depths
Of a never-ending well
The prince came to save her
But, alas, he was too late
I love you! he screamed
Into the depths of the well
But she never did hear him
And in that moment he knew hell

Once Upon a Time
A girl said I love you
To her prince
A boy who couldn't see...

Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind

(William Wordsworth)

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The following comments are for "Once Upon a Time"
by seriousinsanity

bright-creative ;-)
This poem has a tidy pace and rhythm. Until "fantastical truth" it sounds grownup, and afterwards cute as a masterful nursery rhyme. Was this your intention? If not, it might mean that you need to control yourself while you write and stay the course and the direction. It is easy to lose it while poring over a an avalanche of images and trying to write all of them down.

Good luck,

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

nursery rhyme
that was my intention. thanks for the advice. :-)


( Posted by: seriousinsanity [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

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