Water Wisdom
by Cynical_Scribe (Member) - published: December 30, 2004
Word Count: 50 Word Bytes: 332 Viewed: 2597 times
Category - The Write Off
© Copyright by Cynical_Scribe

(32 votes)

Rating	Rated by

8	Bartleby

8	Bobby7L

7	brad

10	brickhouse

8	chapter1

8	Clairesbest

4	commercialends

7	Demeter

7	DieBaronHobskew..

7	Disinfectant

10	DrgnFire

8	EverybodyElsesG..

10	fairgrace

9	FangChen

6	GibsonGirl

8	hazelfaern

9	ivordavies

10	JEANNIE45

9	Jessicanm

7	johnjohndoe

7	londongrey

8	nae411

9	Nitz Kitty

10	Penelope

8	PETERPAULINO

8	rcallaci

10	Rogan

7	Spudley

7	strangedaze

7	Teflon

7	williamhill

8	windchime

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I am…
Everywhere…
In the land you sow
In the harvest you reap
In the air you breathe
In the tears you weep
In the gentlest touch
In the laughter you share
In the lovely sunrise
In the moon eyed stare
In the world you know
Everywhere…
I am…

------
Re

Comments

The following comments are for "Water Wisdom"
by Cynical_Scribe

Cynical Scribe
What a great approach. I never thought of personifying water. This is lovely. Well done. All the best, and warm regards- huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: December 30, 2004 )

water wisdom
I liked very much this omnipresence of water, and the final "I am", which attributes a god-like quality to water. A bold statement poem. But I like huni's better.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 30, 2004 )

Write Off
Cynical Scribe, Your poem is truly a small treasure. I loved the feel of it and the idea of of being able to hear the water, very original. Both poems are lovely. I gave the nod to Huni though because her poem seemed to have so much depth and I loved the storytelling. Great write! Look forward to reading more of you.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

Tidy Tides
Yes, you echo water as it has reminded the world of its existence, sheer mass, various forms, you also echo mankind in more peaceful visions. And the visions are the ones that are in short supply here. This work is an unresolved, first stanza of an elegant, wave-like poem reading like a splash of sea foam on a quiet evening. Why not continue?

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

Cynical Scribe
I didn't feel as though as much thought went into this piece as you usually display. It would have been nice to have seen something more fully developed.

best wishes

Alex

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

water
Water has the power to give life and take it away. It can enhance our being or make it torture. I kept the poem strictly about water for these reasons.
Thank you to all who've read and all who will read.

( Posted by: Cynical_Scribe [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

graded on a curve
I, too, like the pov. And the tone seems to be in keeping with subject/words. Like "moon eyed stare" because I can immediately feel/see it -- always enoy being taken into the poem. Unfortunately, because of the competitive dynamic, I need to rate it in relation to Huni's poem. I wonder how I'd react to your poem having not read Huni's - we will never know.
Finally, I guess where your poem fell a little short for me was that I think you could have worked harder to make your images more singular -- give them that special twist that is at once relatable and unique. Easier said than done. I will, however, now definitely read more of your work. Thanks and good luck

( Posted by: brad [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

Giver and taker....
Enjoyed the read...Well done. Flow on..

Robert William

( Posted by: Bobby7L [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

clarification
Uh - oops! Just a note here to point out that the score of "1" that was up for a few minutes this afternoon was a mistake! It did not reflect my opinion of CynicalScribe or his fine poetic effort above.
Thanks to the lit.org staff (Jessica especially) for their help.
In the immortal words of M. Smart, "Sorry about that, chief!"

( Posted by: SamPark [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

SamPark
Not to worry! Hope you are having a GREAT New Year!

Happy New Year everybody!! :D

( Posted by: cynical_scribe [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

CS - Water Wisdom
Oh, a very apt topic for the two of you, Pamela and Re(becca? I remember you told me already). I don't know how to elaborate but I have been reading both your other poems and there's that quality in both of you that have reverence for nature.

I liked the shortness of this piece, it's a winner on it's own but since this is a write off, Huni's piece has got to win because of her poetry con storytelling, which appealed to me. This one is very insightful though, and I would love to reread this piece many times.

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: January 1, 2005 )

wisdom- write off
I'm finding this a most interesting event. I appreciate everyone's honest comments.
Thanks to all who've voted and commented so far.
Happy New Year to all! :)

( Posted by: Cynical_scribe [Member] On: January 1, 2005 )

wisdom of water
I suppose I just expected more exposition on this topic when I read your title. My main problem was that you teased me with all sorts of good ideas and then didn't expand on any of them. This seems to be more of a starter poem than a fully realized piece to me. The only thing that really ties the subject to the poem is the title. Without it, I could come up with alternate possibilities that this poem is all about.

It's not a bad poem, I just think you could have done so much more with it. And that is why I have to vote in favor of your competitor's piece this time around.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: January 1, 2005 )

...
...liked the way you personified water, but you've heard all of that before. You did an okay job, methinks, and it's a bitch being pressed for time and writing on a deadline, but I would have liked a bit more meat on this. Good on ya for having the ovaries to go participate, and it was a good read.

Cheers, and happy new years.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: January 1, 2005 )

Flowing Wisely
CS~ There's a vibrant sentiment in your words and no fault in your imagery or your work. If your poem is lacking, it's simply missing that essential "aha" moment that would make this piece truly memorable. Nevertheless, you've submitted a charming, lovely piece.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: January 1, 2005 )

Write off
Very well done. I also enjoy the personification of water. I do also feel that I would have loved to see the ideas present expanded upon. You have presented lovely ways in which water is used and taken for granted. I simply would have liked to see you take it a step further. Wonderful write.

( Posted by: EverybodyElsesGirl [Member] On: January 2, 2005 )

water
Your personification of water is
So extraordinary. So unique …So profound …
I like it soo much..
I read Huni’s too and liked it but I find this more powerful [this is not a compliment as much as it is the truth]

All the best
fairgrace

( Posted by: fairgrace [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

Form
I sense from this poem that you were concentrating on the poetic form - The rhymes were very well chosen, and the rhythm was strong. However, for all that, it didn't really give me the sense of fluidity I was expecting from a poem about water. It just feels a bit too rigid.

I did enjoy it, though - there were some great thought provoking lines in there to ponder... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to award my points in this write-off to Huni. Score 7/10.

Thanks. :-)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: January 3, 2005 )

Water Wisdom
Reta,

I liked this but could see it was written to a structure and to compete. On this poem your opening:

'I am…
Everywhere…
In the land you sow
In the harvest you reap
In the air you breathe
In the tears you weep'

was excellent. Now mabe it is just me, but I found the association too week in the rest for a structured poem about water. I would of liked to have seen moiture oozing out of every word.

I feel that when you write from the heart as in,
'Of Feathers and Clover' and 'Fictile' you become a really good poet. Whlst I love experimenting with styles as in my 'Bought of Thought', I do not believe this is where our best work comes from.

However, I like rhyming poetry and think overall the piece deserved the 9 rating I gave it and look forward to more of your work,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

write comment- All
To everyone who took the time to read, vote and especially comment- I am deeply gratified. I appreciate every comment, whether for or against, my entry. I am pleased that I recognize so many of you. It's wonderful to recieve praise and critique from so many who I have respectfully enjoyed reading! To a couple who I have not read- I intend to look you up in the near future! :)
This was an extremely fun project (not to mention I like the attention ;) ). Just kidding, but seriously- it has been most enjoyable for me, and I hope for Huni, as well! I hope to be invited to write off again, soon!

I hope everyone is having a great start to their new year!
Cheers-
Reta

( Posted by: Cynical_scribe [Member] On: January 4, 2005 )

Reta/ water wisdom
Thanks for the chance to do this with you Reta. It was fun wasn't it. I certainly appreciate the effort of other competitors now. Congratulations on your poem too. It showed depth and captured an essence of our subject that was different and beautiful. warm regards - huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: January 7, 2005 )

Huni- write off
This was very fun!! Thank you as well- and congrats on your outstanding poem! :)
Re

( Posted by: Cynical_scribe [Member] On: January 7, 2005 )

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