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Gulping in air
sucking at the surface.
Waiting- always waiting
for it to come each day.
Round and round, this circular life.
Always going, always
coming back to here.
No one notices the tears.
Everyday the same- the only option
a marble slab.
I may as well stay.


------
Not the poem which we have read, but that to which we return, with the greatest pleasure, possesses the power and claims the name of essential poetry.


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Comments

The following comments are for "This Life"
by Huni

cycle of life
Sounds somewhat defeatist- this is what you got- you might as well stay. I like the tone- I think everyone at some time or another has looked at life this way. The words are to the point, very interesting.

( Posted by: Cynical_Scribe [Member] On: December 31, 2004 )

To the point
Huni,

I love how you make such impact in so few words. "To be or not to be..."

Just today you've set the tone for my morning with your heart-stirring words. I'm so thankful the marble slab is not more enticing to you.

So glad you are part of lit. You are a distinct ray of light.

Respectfully,

Felicia

Felicia

( Posted by: FeliciaStone [Member] On: April 14, 2005 )

Huni, this life,
It has so much NOT written but felt, known in reading this. Absolute brevity.

Dar

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: April 14, 2005 )

Gasping for air
"Gulping in air
sucking at the surface."

I can relate to this 'drowning' in life's ups and downs. You wrote this so succinctly. Helps show the futility of the words. Yes, glad also that the marble is too cold!

Elizabeth

( Posted by: emaks [Member] On: April 14, 2005 )

Impact
I can see what emaks meant with her phrase "futility of words" but that brought the thought to me that the actual writing of the words is a creation that sets us off on a new path. Round and round each time until we are faced with a blank sheet of paper again. But, each time we write, we set off in a different direction. Perhaps that's what keeps us "sucking at the surface" as opposed to reclining on the slab... LOL
Anyway! Enough amateur philosophy!

I loved the gentle flow of the poem - like being softly jostled by waves - until you brought it up with such a sharp jolt:
"No one notices the tears."
Such a simple statement but used so effectively! For me, it changed the whole complexion of the poem, a bit like a punch landing.

The ending seemed to have a wry grin about it - "I may as well stay".

Excellent.

Peter

( Posted by: pastiche247 [Member] On: July 16, 2005 )

Suprised
I'm not sure how I missed these comments. sorry everyone. Peter your comment alerted me to this old post of mine - thanks for coming by. Your comment is appreciated, I'll check out your work soon. Glad you got the punch and yes the ending was intended to be wry.

Scribe, glad you found it interesting. thanks for reading.
Felecia, I thank you for reading this. Your comment is so nice, I'm blushing tho'. Glad to set the tone for someone's morning. It's this that gives writers joy isn't it?
Dar, thank you so much for your comment. I hope all is well with you. I have been away so long with illness and have just got back to pottering in the forums lately. I need some inspiration and reading helps.
Thanks for the comment Elizabeth. Yes, marble seems a cold alternative to life however hard doesn't it.
Peter, thanks again, for coming by, I just realised with your comment that I have this poem twice. Not sure how that happened.
warm regards - huni.

( Posted by: huni [Member] On: July 17, 2005 )

Time to Go?
Huni,

'Life's a Bitch... and then yuo're Dead!'

Mind you I think I'll stay around a bit longer anyway....

Have Fun,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 17, 2005 )





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