Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
7.2

(5 votes)


RatingRated by
7Unknown
5Unknown
6JimmyAndHisRock..
9Myth
9ograd77

You must login to vote

My mind's subway car:

stifling,
screeching,
packed,
cramped,
obtrusive,
open,
naked.

I am the one seated by her reflection,
Quietly staring into blue-white oblivion,
Observing life pass into pavement.



Comments

The following comments are for "Subway"
by A-chan

my goodness
that is interesting indeed. I am not so sure about breaking poems like that though. Its all quite sudden. Maybe a transition will help?

( Posted by: Furius [Member] On: April 3, 2002 )

to the point
what i liked about this is that you used just a few words to describe so much. also nice choice of words.

( Posted by: seniorme [Member] On: June 18, 2004 )

?
i dont get how it can be open and cramped all at the same time. maybe i am misinterpreting the way you used open. other than that, i like what you're trying to do here.

( Posted by: JimmyAndHisRocket [Member] On: October 25, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: