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9.5

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9chapter1
10DieBaronHobskew..
10hazelfaern
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While you stand above, framed in your open window
your cynical lips one shadow away from a sneer
casting lemon flavored confections and their bits
of neatly-typed inscrutable wisdom to the hungry sky
I'll stand below, curb side, hands in pockets
content to gather the remnants, tickertape
lemon rain from your fire escape
"discontent in the first step forward"
Your gods are sour, with lips like yours
turned earrthward to my sidewalk
with it's shattered, scattered fortunes
while my gods are sweet,
gifting me with unexpected wisdom
and the beauty of an angry woman
who doesn't know how lovely
she looks in winter's blush.

------
Smile if you're stupid,
laugh if you understand.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Sweet and Sour Gods"
by Bartleby

sweet
"while my gods are sweet,
gifting me with unexpected wisdom
and the beauty of an angry woman
who doesn't know how lovely
she looks in winter's blush." (favorite)

Great write!

( Posted by: DieBaronHobskewward [Member] On: December 21, 2004 )

gods
As always, a well written piece. I like the rich language you have used in this. You can almost taste the poem, as you can only do with something that has been written well.

I am stickler I am for typos, I missed the one Rogan found, until he mentioned it. Guess it means the poem even had me forgetting the editor in myself.

Very original idea of being "ruled" by different gods. I also like the last 4 lines best. Excellent.

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: December 22, 2004 )

why she's angry
Jess~

I don't know why she's angry... I don't think it really matters in the context of the poem. Only that she's soured on life, tossing the bits of wisdom offered her out a window, while the speaker collects her cast off bits and can find beauty in even the ugliness of her anger. I guess it's all about perspective.

But I'm glad you liked it. There are more on the way. I think I've hit a good patch.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: December 23, 2004 )

Definately sweet
Good write, good imagery. Very easy to read, yet full. Much said in little, like a fortune cookie.

( Posted by: malthis [Member] On: January 9, 2005 )





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