On Contact Lenses
by strangedaze (Member) - published: December 17, 2004
Word Count: 232 Word Bytes: 2229 Viewed: 782 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by strangedaze

9.71

(7 votes)

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9	Demeter

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‘My God’

You say,
‘This is how I saw the world

five minutes ago,

through this pair of protein
encrusted, translucent blue

counterfeit eyes’

(and you consider, for a

moment,

leaving them out there –

in the
sink –

to serve as a warning to all those

bad, bad dreams
that come with seeing

the world

through blurry, prepackaged mannequin lenses)

and you turn the tap,

(it is rusted and requires a bit of force to get it

moving)

sending a gush of water splashing

down,

down,

[I do this for effect]

finally spilling
into the sink,

washing away who you were
yesterday

(and the day before, and the day
before that;

your contact lenses

are good for two weeks,

don’t forget,

sometimes longer if you are careful).

While washing them away

offers you an means through which
you can say ‘goodbye!’ to each

(irreparable)

tic

and

tock
you cannot help but sigh and
bite
into a giant pickled

lump of nostalgia -

a feeling you manage to overcome some five minutes
later, when you ingest
a small bag of

amphetamines and stare

(it’s all a haze now)
up at the ceiling.

(If only the memory of him raising his

mustard encrusted

palm to slap you in the face

was so easily

[take a deep breath – the climax is so close that
it
burns
the tip of your
tongue]

forgotten.)

------
"Imperious, choleric, irascible, extreme in everything, with a dissolute imagination the like of which has never been seen... there you have me in a nutshell, and kill me again or take me as I am, for I shall not change."

From his Last Will & Testament, Marquis de Sade

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Comments

The following comments are for "On Contact Lenses"
by strangedaze

Goddess...
...Thanks, D, for the kind words. I'm kind of a poetry rookie, so your comment is very encouraging. In the original version (before the html massacred it) the poem was more spaced out
and
all over
the
place.

I'm open to suggestions as to which is more effective.

Thanks again, D(ahling)!

Cheers, sez eye.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: December 18, 2004 )

Contact High
I'll start by saying that this not the sort of poem that normaly floats my boat.

This has a "The vultures are gone they will never come back..." feel to it. I'd give you the reference but all I can remember is that it is W.S.Burroughs (Uncle Bill to his disciples).

The "feel" I mention is not so much thematic as it is stylistic. This kind of rambles from place to place. Sort of like a conversation with someone half-way to blessed oblivion. That isn't a bad thing.

Obviously this is fairly visual (in terms of the structure and the images) as it should be given the subject.

The first stanza grabbed me. I particularly liked "counterfeit eyes" and think it can be used to good effect in future work and different context. It is an image worth keeping. "Mannequin lenses" is a nice touch.

"you cannot help but sigh and
bite
into a giant pickled
lump of nostalgia " This made me laugh at first and then think. I shouldn't like it, "pickled nostalgia" come on now. But I do. It is one of those word connections that are immediately nonsensical but reveal a deceptive depth when mulled over a little. Not obvious, not heavy handed, subtle. Like creeper grass.

Overall for a poem that is stylisticaly not to my taste this made me sit up pay attention.

Well done Daze

May you never thirst

Bliss

My God’
You say,
‘This is how I saw the world
five minutes ago,
through this pair of protein
encrusted, translucent blue
counterfeit eyes’

(and you consider, for a
moment,
leaving them out there –
in the
sink –
to serve as a warning to all those
bad, bad dreams
that come with seeing
the world
through blurry, prepackaged mannequin lenses)

and you turn the tap,

(it is rusted and requires a bit of force to get it
moving)

sending a gush of water splashing
down,
down,

[I do this for effect]

finally spilling
into the sink,

washing away who you were
yesterday

(and the day before, and the day
before that;

your contact lenses

are good for two weeks,

don’t forget,

sometimes longer if you are careful).

While washing them away
offers you an means through which
you can say ‘goodbye!’ to each

(irreparable)

tic
and
tock
you cannot help but sigh and
bite
into a giant pickled
lump of nostalgia -

a feeling you manage to overcome some five minutes
later, when you ingest
a small bag of

amphetamines and stare
(it’s all a haze now)
up at the ceiling.

(If only the memory of him raising his

mustard encrusted

palm to slap you in the face
was so easily

[take a deep breath – the climax is so close that
it
burns
the tip of your
tongue]

forgotten.)

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: December 18, 2004 )

Sh*t Sorry About That
I find it easier to refer back to what I'm reviewing if I paste it into the comment space. I forgot to delete it.

Oh well it deserves a second read anyway ;)

May you never thirst

Bliss

( Posted by: Enforced Bliss [Member] On: December 18, 2004 )

Cool
What a cool fucking poem! How you managed to take a topic like disposing of contact lenses and turn it into exhilirating verse is beyond me.

Great work!

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: December 19, 2004 )

Viper, VFW, Tina, etc...
...Thank you all very much for your comments.

TL - Thanks for the compliments. It's fun finding connections between mundane things like contact lenses and the stuff that hits the heart. Thanks for reading!

Vodka - My intention was to lull the reader into one of those, you know, false sense of security things, then WHAMO! Glad it worked for you. I remain a fan

Viper - Thanks for the comments. Anyone willing to sling profanity around with reckless abandon is a friend of mine. Good on ya, you 'filfthy sailor'.

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: December 20, 2004 )

Lenses
Wow. I love the disjointed, conversational style of this piece. I have to agree with Bliss, I LOVED the "counterfeit eyes" part. Very well written indeed. I typically an not a huge fan of the asides written mid-parenthesis, but it worked very well here. And kudos to you for making me like something I typically do not. Great job, on something typically washed away without thought. Excellent.

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: December 20, 2004 )

Rookie Who?
Hey, this poem are only for write-offs! (and I am now giving my 10). I'll be just repeating what Viper said. :)

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: December 21, 2004 )

strangedaze
going with a f**kin A primo poem rating!

( Posted by: DieBaronHobskewward [Member] On: December 21, 2004 )

EVE-Girl, PP, and the Baron...
Thanks a lot for taking the time to comment,folks.

Everybodyelsesgirl - Thanks for the kind words. I'm usually not fond of gimmicky poems who use things like parenthesis and such to sell itself, but I was hoping to use them to maybe heighten my poem. Thank you for assuring me that I made the right choice. You seemed to be in the same boat as Elliot, in terms of finding something worthwhile in this without necessarily being a fan of the stylistic elements. That's really flattering :) Thanks a bunch.

Peter - Thank you, my friend, for once again stopping by and leaving your mark. Your comments always give me confidence ;) Looking forward to reviewing some more of your work in the future.

DieBaron - Since I'm a big fan of profanity, your comment especially warms my heart. You don't seem like the type who'd gush over Hallmark moments and fluffy-puffs - thank God there are people like you out there.

Cheers, all!

-SD

( Posted by: strangedaze [Member] On: December 21, 2004 )

on contact lenses
What a beautiful thing this is! Everything is "in medias res" in relationship to everything else. It is a three-ring circus at the sink, and the juggler-poet is perfectly synchronized with his/her own "counterfeit eyes".
I'm impressed, poetry rookie, impressed.

( Posted by: windchime [Member] On: December 21, 2004 )

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