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Already you had a name.
Already my breasts had rounded
heavy with sweetened milk
they announced your arrival.
For days I spun a route
around Paris, a mother
gathering the goods;
the cotton swaddling, the bits,
the perfume that says “Maman.”
so certain of your conception,
we had rocked you to life,
coaxed you with such
tenderness. Already
you were loved. By the
seventh day I was mercurial
as the weather. The thing
that is awry – one senses it.
Then the blood-spot announced
your departure. The tiny
Japanese flag in my panties.
The tears I shed as any mother
the signs that said, We’ve no
room for some other. Auto
and immune, the body turns
in on itself. Such betrayal,
it wins, day after day after day.


------
Sadi Ranson-Polizzotti

http://www.tantmieux.squarespace.com/
http://www.sottovocce.blogspot.com/
http://www.cabinetist.blogspot.com/


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The following comments are for "miscarriage"
by sadijane

LOSTVOYAGE/SADI...,
DEAR SADI, Your courage will save lives, but,it
yours or sone ones lose.oucumuch relate by my experiences. You must know I loved of that stuff.
I know a hard knock when I see one. Hey Sadi, Favor To you, LOOk how EEG reads... Not knocking
your work. For THe Most Part It Works, but, I can see an induced seizure, to study or such, what, medicine in dignostica, treatments, and ,such,.NO smartass, EX-RN, YOUR poems reads well, other than , I first, thought that you had,
had ElectroConvulsiveTHerpy, same as "shocks-treatments,More or less wiyh induced seisures.
ECT, is supposed to be a great-tx for, BI-POLARS,
Look at this with the title,ECT, totally describe
in this descpition SEE-Sadi-PastRNPYSCHIATRIC
This works in general for someone who must have
shock treatments to survival just maybe on more day. NOT at all to undermine

( Posted by: Robinbird [Member] On: December 19, 2004 )

eeg poem
thanks to both, to the first comment, it was an EEG to study my epilepsy, so NOT shock treatment, and sorry if it came across that way. i thought the title was clear enough, since and EEG is NOT used as shock treatment but to study brainwaves, but perhaps that wasn't clear enough. sorry.

as for miscarriage, penelope, thanks... it was a hard poem to write, perhaps relive in some ways, but it just came out and came from the heart. i don't have anythign profound to say about it only my own experience here that i think transcends because i know others, sadly, have been through this, though surely for all, the experience is different and unique and equally awful. So this was just my own - a sharp wave from happinesss to real distress and sorrow. i hope i captured that. thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

always grateful. cheers, and be well all,

sadi

( Posted by: sadijane [Member] On: December 19, 2004 )

7
We had suffered more than one miscarriage, each after fascinating ultrasounds, and after now-ominous seven weeks.

I have not internalized the feelings that a woman is tormented with when losing such a gift, therefore, can only imagine writing something technical called "ultrasound."

There are supportive women and ideas on www.bellyforever.com, a problematic pregnancy site.

Good luck to all,

Teflofun.

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: December 20, 2004 )

tef 7
hi Tef;

i did not know there even existed support groups for women who had had miscarriages. i wish i had known about this sooner. it's such a difficult thing to go through and i think people fail to understand, those who often haven'tbeen through it, that it's very much the same as losing a born child. that the grief is just as real, just as strong. some have acted like it's "not a big deal" that it's only a big deal if you're "six months etc.". To me, i think it's a big deal if you HURT, if you MOURN, if you GRIEVE, then that is enough. We shouldn't need others to make our grief valid and just know within ourselves what counts.

Thanks for posting that link. I will check it out. For me, i have a spiritual teacher who helps a great deal and so this is a kind of journey. In my case, with so many illnesses, epilepsy, cancer, then i wonder if this is somehow meant to be -- but it's hard to say that. i hte it when people say that something is just "god's will" after something awful happens. i've been reading c.s. lewis, "A Grief Observed" that i highly recommend to anyone who is going through any kind of grief and wonders how a god that is "good" could allow such things. even Lewis doubted his faith - it's interesting, whether you are a believer or not, and even if not christian. i read it as a Taoist and found great significance in there... so again,

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis and also
The Problem of Pain also by C.S. Lewis.

Thanks for commenting on this. I think the experience and how we express is will vary from poet to poet, person to person. My way does not delve too deep, but i tried to capture what it meant to be Maternal - to feel yourself swelling with all that goodness only to have it flushed away, washed out of you... the shock of that moment, the horrid disappointment, and the realization that life is not what you thought it was going to be. It's a crushing blow...

My way just expressed my own experience - and i hope that touches/helps/others can relate to this in some way and know that they are not alone. if i do that, then i have succeeded. that is the goal of every poem i write - to relate something that even if personal, is a universal emotion. taking the personal to a more universal and empathetic level. this is the best we can strive for... i keep striving...

thanks for reading, as ever, and all good wishes to all,

sadi

( Posted by: sadijane [Member] On: December 20, 2004 )





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