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a day in the life
It had been a great weekend, a fabulous weekend. First there was the Friday night affair. A little get together at some rich girl’s house- about 20 or so, but all the really popular people. I got to that one a little angry. Chris, my best friend, or rather, the best friend I had, gave me a ride, and I was pumped. I was feeling good the entire trip over there. I had been invited to the party. All my friends and none of my enemies were going to be there. But then, just as we were pulling up, Rhett drove his tuck up next to us, because he wanted to talk to Chris and Chucky sat in the passenger’s side.
Now, about Chucky… This was a guy that everyone secretly hated. It was a secret then. It didn’t used to be. He wasn’t very likable to begin with. All I can remember was that he got to school at the middle of my second junior year (that’s right, 2nd) and hung out with the sketchy crowd; namely the people from Waterford Cove. Then he started to invite himself to some of my friends’ parties. I don’t know what the lure was for him, although at my friends’ parties, there was always a bounty of weed and alcohol. No one really liked him or his attitude. He was a big fat kid who came in and sat down, snatched a bowl, and acted like he owned the place. So, eventually this all culminated into THE fight between him and Chris. I won’t go into all the details about that. It’s a whole separate story. For a while, people stayed away from him, but eventually, about a year later, he and Chris found a mutual reason to bury the hatchet. Chucky was a good connection to St. Helena. Suddenly, this sketchy bastard had muscled his way back into the loop. Now, honestly, after a while I caved just like everyone else. He was a good connection. He was stingy, nasty, and mean, but he always knew where to get what we wanted. But, eventually, that lost its value as well. Eventually we all got to know the people on St. Helena well enough. And eventually, I started to fill in Chris’ old spot as “The guy that really hates Chucky.”
So, anyway, now that I’ve gotten that out of the way… Chucky was sitting in the passengers seat, and the very sight of him had ruined my natural high. We stared each other down while they asked Chris questions. Then for some reason, or another he mouthed off to me, and I flipped him off, and was about to jump out of the car before Rhett drove off. I told Chris if I saw him again I was going to “put him in the hospital”. Chris arbitrarily told me to calm down, and then went about his business. I was fuming for a little while, but then he didn’t come back, I smoked a bowl, and sat back and relaxed. The mood at the party was wonderful. I got to play the “provider” to people more privileged than me. I got compliments on my favorite bong, the MDB. (Also its own story) I was in with Matt and Ben, the two big men on campus… or at least the pot-smoking portion of campus. I left high and happy.
The next night I went to a party on Rhett’s dock across the street from my house. Still feeling the love from the night before, I set out to repeat the mood, as we often do. But this didn’t work. I’d rather not explain it all, but Chris was fumed at our mutual friend Bobby over an incident the week before. Bobby had gone crazy for a couple of weeks off of Coorcidin. He was losing his sanity the week before and we tried to intervene. This led to him blowing up and losing Chris’ car keys. After that a series of events permeated throughout the week, most of them a result of Chris’ immaturity, and Chucky’s tendency to be a complete asshole, which had Chris hating Bobby with a vengeance. Chris was at the party, as were a few of my good friends from elementary school and a couple of the girls. We were wondering where our friend Chandler was. He’s a really nice guy, and we wanted him there. The energy around there was already a little strained. So, we were sitting in Rhett’s driveway rolling blunts, and then Chandler rolled up and Bobby got out of the passengers side. For some reason, this was taboo. Chandler had committed a mortal sin. How could he have brought Bobby to the party with Chris there? Was he insane?
I took an initiative and told Chris, who was flipping out, to hang back and that I was going to take care of things. I walked up and cut Bobby off halfway up the driveway. I told him to leave for his own good. I was so brilliantly dramatic, I couldn’t believe Bobby didn’t jump back in the car and make Chandler take him back home right then. But he said he wouldn’t. All of a sudden I was a diplomat, making sure there was at least fifty feet between Chris and Bobby at all times. I told Bobby to stay there. As I was turning to go back and tell Chris that things weren’t going to go his way, Bobby told me to ask Chris to talk with him. He wanted to make up. Was he insane? Chris was a little baby. He exploded, the whole time, with everyone stepping back and me whispering, “shhhh, it’s okay.” in his ear (figuratively, of course). He walked across Rhett’s yard and sat pouting on the dock boardwalk, opening up some space for Bobby to come and talk with his friends. I talked to him for a while, but then I eventually got tired of it, and I didn’t want to miss the blunts they were smoking over in the driveway. I walked up and said hi to everybody. Chucky talked some shit to me, but I had taken some Xanax a few minutes before (ironically, compliments of a pill trade with Chucky), so I didn’t care. After a little while, and after Bobby, seeing that I was willing to play the diplomat, had asked me to try again to “set something up”, I went back over and talked to Chris. He wouldn’t budge. I got an inch here or there, but his anger was like a volcano coming from nowhere. I finally told him how he looked to me and to everyone else. If he wanted to bring himself down, that was fine. I was going to smoke another blunt. I left him pouting and angry again.
After a little while of us talking, laughing, and having a good time by Rhett’s truck, a lot of it at Chris’ expense, we turn to see Chris stomping across the yard toward the driveway. For a minute we were worried, but only for a minute. All bark and no bite… He just wanted to be dramatic. Bobby made an attempt to apologize, only to get cursed out. Chris walked up to the other end of the driveway and lit a cigarette, as if baiting himself for a confrontation. Everyone saw this. So when Bobby went toward him and tried to apologize only to be threatened and bellowed at, he turned around with a bemused smirk on his face and shrugged his shoulders. Everyone else shrugged too. This started Chris going off on everyone, especially Chandler. We were all a little annoyed with the whole show by then. The whole thing was getting old. So Chucky and I walked over to Chris. Me, being Chris’ old best friend and confidant and Chucky being his new favorite buddy; we thought we might be able to team up on him and, if nothing else, force him out of his funk. He was bringing everybody down, and we just wanted to get high and enjoy ourselves. Also, Bobby was leaving for college Boston the following day, and Chris used to be a really good friend of his, so we didn’t want to see them leave each other on a bad note. Of course this might have been a motive we made up to justify our falling into the whole drama. Who knows really? Honestly, it was just annoying to have anyone being bitchy when we were all trying to sit back and create a mood.
Anyway, Chucky and I approached this from different angles; Chucky using the prospect of us all sitting back and smoking the blunt together as an incentive, and me calling Chris out on his behavior, trying to make him see how stupid he was acting. Eventually, Chucky and I clashed. I said something that could have offended Chris. I can’t remember what it was. But Chucky, seeming to seize the opportunity to gain more trust, threatened me, that I not imp roach on his ‘best friend’. I took offense to this and attacked Chucky, calling him out, saying that I had known Chris for longer and he should keep his mouth shut. Then he warned me to shut up and I exploded, yelling at that if he wanted to talk smack to me, I would gladly kick his ass, and then lighting into Chris for making his friends fight with each other for the sake of cheering him up. Chucky, surprised by my standing up for myself, beyond idle insults, mumbled another threat and then walked away. I then sternly expressed to Chris that I had had enough, and that we had all had enough, looking to my friends down the driveway to back me up. All of a sudden, they were all looking in every direction but towards us. I think I yelled something half-heartedly at them, and they responded with some half-hearted defensive insult. We were all drained. Chris had succeeded in drawing us into his melodrama.
This whole time, Chris was mumbling about how he wanted to go home, so finally I said, “C’mon Chris, I’m taking you home. You’re not having any fun here, and neither are we.” But, of course, all of a sudden Chris didn’t want to go home. So I ran back to my house, got my car and, catching Chris walking away from Rhett’s house after apparently blowing up again to no avail, demanded that he get in. I told him that he had pissed everyone else off, and I was probably his best chance of getting home. This was true. Garret was Chucky’s ride, and he didn’t want to give Chris a ride. And of course Bobby was riding with Chandler. So, Chris got in. As we drove slowly down my street, we both loosened up a little bit. I tried to tell him how he was making himself miserable. He was halfway receptive. As we neared the end of my street, Chris said he really didn’t want to leave, and he asked to go back. He had calmed down a bit, and I really didn’t feel like driving him all the way home, so I acquiesced. As we returned, everyone was leaving Rhett’s house to go out for some food, and to pick up a couple more people. Also, Bobby said that he was probably going to go home. This was good, I thought. I’d have more one on one time with Chris, and if Bobby didn’t come back, maybe we could all hang loose and enjoy ourselves. It was midnight and was about time something positive happened.
By this time, I really did feel like I was helping him to cheer up, and I honestly started to care again. So, I offered for Chris to come hang out in my game room until the people got back. We walked over and sat down that little dismal second garage, where we often came to smoke blunts and listen to music. I had rigged up cable TV down there, so Chris turned on MTV and relaxed while I monitored the phone. I was hoping to get a hold of everyone, and invite them all back to my house to hang out. I had always been good at creating a stress free environment. After a few minutes, the whole time Chris lounging on the couch, nagging me to figure out the plan, I ran upstairs and got some drinks and came back down to talk more with Chris about Bobby. Chris still wouldn’t budge on the issue. I gave up and went back to the phone. I got in touch with Chandler, and found out that Bobby had asked to stay out and spend more time with his friends. Hearing this, Chris started making some noise, and I told him to shut up. Slowly, I played diplomat again between he and Bobby. The distance that the phone provided made things easier. After making a few other calls and getting everyone to agree to chill at my house (they were bringing Sally over so I picked up a little) I realized I was in a position to set some ground rules. I was in control. I talked again with Bobby and Chris and discussed ‘conditions’ for being able to chill at my house, using the holy pothead ideology that my house was only a place for ‘chilling’ and I wouldn’t tolerate any bitching. Chris and Bobby both agreed that they would be civil, to a degree, and that they wouldn’t bring their quarrel up. I made them both promise. We were all set to finally have a good time. Garret was the first to show up. He came in a good mood, and I put on some good music (Dark Side of the Moon). We cracked open a couple of beers and Garret started mixing drinks. Soon after the rest of the crowd came in all at once. I was elated. Everyone was in high spirits, relieved to see that the fight was gone. After some more bickering between Chucky, Chris, and I, we all agreed to sit in Chandler’s car, and shotgun some blunts. In ten minutes Bobby and Chris were blowing shotguns to one another and they finally began to bury the hatchet. By the end of the night, everyone was chill, and, after watching Chucky selfishly hoard a blunt between he and Sally, in order to hit on her, we all began to gain a new mutual enemy. Everything had fallen in line. My world was back on track, and I was in high spirits.
So, as one would imagine, the next night came as a big shock to me. After leaving Bobby’s going away party, and participating in some brain numbing rising shotguns at my friend Ru’s house, Chris and I were in la-la land on our way back to his house to cap off the night. He had a bowl and a dime in his pocket, and I was riding legit. Funny thing; when we were pulled over for a broken tail-light, and when the pot came out in a subsequent search, brought on because the cop had discovered a bong of mine in the back of my car (clean though) Chris couldn’t take the rap for his own pot alone. We both got into the back of the car, and after begging and pleading with Chris, I sunk back into reality. I hit it like it was at the bottom of a thousand foot drop. So, what had I worked so hard for the night before? Where was my best friend? And why was I so utterly mortified now that I realized I might not have anyone to look to but myself? Was there even a self there to look to?
...
This essay is very personal to me. I was very pleased to be given the opportunity in this assignment, to do a piece that had significant meaning. I always write better emotionally, and I feel, after reviewing this piece and making some minor corrections for the sake of clarification, while still retaining the tone and feel of the vernacular that I chose to use, that I achieved a very emotional and potentially disillusioning paper. To better explain, I hope that this piece is disillusioning, because, while the feeling that I described in the abrupt, hanging conclusion to this piece, was one of the most horrible I had ever felt, it was ultimately the catalyst for me to awaken from the crazy dream I was living in, and take a good look at my life. Everything in this paper was written down as accurately as I could remember it. I chose to write using the lingo that I used to use around my old crowd, in order to bring out some of the ridiculousness of my situation. The pride and excitement that I seem to express throughout the piece was something I honestly felt. Looking back on it, I am appalled at myself and my neglect for life in general. This is the first time I have ever really expressed a full account of what led up to my being arrested, and going to jail for my second, and final time. This was the event that changed my life. I am now in the process of recovery from my past lifestyle. My new life is one fraught with challenge and discomfort, but the rewards I am realizing are greater than anything I could have ever hoped for. This is a wonderful new thing for me and I can never go back.
Hopefully, in the future, I will be able to write an account of my spiraling upward, because I have many accounts of situations where I spiraled down. The person who narrates this piece was a pathetic shell of a human being, working his ass of for others and giving no regard to what really mattered. This is not to sound like I hate myself, or even to sound like I hate who I was. I have simply come to recognize my own weakness, and now that I am making a concerted effort to change, I have no reason to hate anything about myself. I rarely get so hokey as to dedicate a piece to anyone, but I can’t resist. I dedicate ‘A Day in the Life’ to Xan Paul, my mentor. It is because of his voice in my head that I am up at 1:30 on this beautiful summer evening, writing!
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(C)SESEU (Sir Edwin Santos Enterprises Unlimited)
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Marty
