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Eaves are meant to hang over water
with the lotus flower curving,
framing the window between with
teak wood and garnished pond.

The sill seems to echo the edge
of a vaulted cliff,
unable to see the horizon of
oak panel and books beneath
it moves in a steady breeze.

The only reflection is from the
weighted lense of humid syrup,
forming an eye in the ground
which offers no true reality.

Round shapes of grey measure
pointes shapes in russet,
the smooth permeable rocks
beneath an aging maple.

The curves of the dragon
from Celts to Orient,
can be seen from every vantage,
yet it is still only a window
with which to see outside
not in.

But shade is sometimes what
we must view whilst decked
in light, as then we notice
with peace and humility,
that there is balance in life
and that we do not always view
the light whilst hidden
in shade.

Feel worthy that the shade of red
that marks out every ball of black,
is there to remind us of optimism.
When we are in bright serenity
we always move inwards,
yet once inside we stare out
wishing we were a creature that
never burnt in sunlight,
or hid in depths that we design.

------
Ask not what you can do to poetry, but what poetry can do to you.


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Comments

The following comments are for "A Japanese Window"
by londongrey

Holy Dragon Design, Batman!
Alex, I began to worry that you had gotten too involved in describing the minutae of your subject somewhere around the middle of your poem, but reaching the final stanza I have to say I was absolutely blown away.

When we are in bright serenity
we always move inwards,
yet once inside we stare out
wishing we were a creature that
never burnt in sunlight,
or hid in depthes that we design.

This final stanza is an absolute jewel. To a certain extent, I do wish that you had included a more concrete description of your subject, yet this final eureka moment truly makes what you've got here more than worthwhile -- it's pure fantabulousity, sir! I hope to see more like this from your pen.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: December 18, 2004 )

Thanks Hazel....
That was very sweet!! I cannot say this is one of my favourites, but I am going through a lot of excercies at the moment in trying to write without the use of abstracts, modifiers and cliches. Its a long bitter road but I shall get there, I just want to learn how to write formal poetry so that I can better my understanding of what is in front of my and generally become a better writer.

Thank you so much though, I lovereading your crits and comments.

Merry Christmas

Alex xxx

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: December 22, 2004 )

Spiffilicious!
Overall this is a really good peice of work. I like how all of this description is over a minute thing, one that is rarely described such as a window. However, in the last two stanzas the poem seems to hit a climax, it has a more deep feeling, the description along with the subject. Great work ^^

( Posted by: vinceypoo [Member] On: December 22, 2004 )

vinceypoo
Firstly can I just say I love your name on here, its very decadent and French, don't know why I think that but just reminds me of the 18th Century!!!

Thank you for the kind comments, I am going to revise this piece and offr more concrete imagery.

Thank you again.

Alex :-)

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: December 22, 2004 )





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