Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
0.00

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

As darkness falls,
her face glows bright
from the light of a single candle.
Her eyes shimmer as the flame dances
in the gentle night breeze.
As I reach to touch her long flowing hair,
for that one moment in time,
I realize…..all is well.

~ Christopher S. Brown (2004)



Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "All is Well"
by w3phreak

Phreak: All is Well
"from the light of a single candle."

I like that line.

I only have one suggestion for you. I would re-tool some of your descriptive words and images into less cliche bits. It's a great picture you paint, but there have to be more heartfelt and intimate details here in this portrait that you could share. What of the flowing hair captivates you? The flame dances of course, but is it struggling to stay lit? Is it bobbing? Does it make her eyes shimmer in a particular way? I think you could reach in your heart and pull out what you adore and smear it on the paper. Then share it. You really have a great foundation here.

Lans

( Posted by: GibsonGirl [Member] On: December 17, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: