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so pure and subtle we'd been swept away
beneath the surface blue and broken
what began this plummet none can say
in that tempest gray our spirit woken
unexpected the blindness rends
that which was forgotten still
with remorse compassion bends
to shade our eyes against our will

no denial that we pretend
how rebuilt we are by your words
but a moment to complete this when
at last we're together merged
so we shall subside and extend
until at last we make amends

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The following comments are for "in the silt"
by dachish

this is sort of archaic, i think. i like it.. reminds me of shakespeare. also reminds me of another fellow's pieces that you might want to check out.

( Posted by: verve [Member] On: May 9, 2002 )

Being told it reminds you of Shakespeare is about the best comment a person could get...I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. Not quality wise, but I can see that if there was a way it'd remind anyone of him, it would be simply due to the attempt at sonnet form =)

( Posted by: dachish [Member] On: May 9, 2002 )

Great work
Great work right out of the box. You really made the sonnet form work, and I love your use of language in this piece. You led us around the house, but weren't so crass as to tell us where the dog shits.
If you can make sense of that praise, I'll be truly impressed.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: May 10, 2002 )

Well, there are just some places in my house a person needs not see.

( Posted by: dachish [Member] On: May 11, 2002 )

What can I say? It rocked everybody's mom. :-) Hahaha, beautiful, with a tremendously, almost unbelievably easy flow. Wow, wow, and thrice wow.

( Posted by: immortal beloved [Member] On: June 10, 2003 )

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