Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
9

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
9Unknown
9Unknown

You must login to vote

so pure and subtle we'd been swept away
beneath the surface blue and broken
what began this plummet none can say
in that tempest gray our spirit woken
unexpected the blindness rends
that which was forgotten still
with remorse compassion bends
to shade our eyes against our will

no denial that we pretend
how rebuilt we are by your words
but a moment to complete this when
at last we're together merged
so we shall subside and extend
until at last we make amends


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "in the silt"
by dachish

dachish
this is sort of archaic, i think. i like it.. reminds me of shakespeare. also reminds me of another fellow's pieces that you might want to check out. http://www.etext.org/Poetry/ScarecrowPoetics/

( Posted by: verve [Member] On: May 9, 2002 )

well
Being told it reminds you of Shakespeare is about the best comment a person could get...I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. Not quality wise, but I can see that if there was a way it'd remind anyone of him, it would be simply due to the attempt at sonnet form =)

( Posted by: dachish [Member] On: May 9, 2002 )

Great work
Dach,
Great work right out of the box. You really made the sonnet form work, and I love your use of language in this piece. You led us around the house, but weren't so crass as to tell us where the dog shits.
If you can make sense of that praise, I'll be truly impressed.

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: May 10, 2002 )

re:
Well, there are just some places in my house a person needs not see.

( Posted by: dachish [Member] On: May 11, 2002 )

wowies
What can I say? It rocked everybody's mom. :-) Hahaha, beautiful, with a tremendously, almost unbelievably easy flow. Wow, wow, and thrice wow.

( Posted by: immortal beloved [Member] On: June 10, 2003 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: