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Pull away, in tangled tan
Those thinning threads
Greasy dreads, and tiny
Tiny beads of impotent seeds
Your smooth, smooth stomach
Where are you?
You have stilled
An entire coastal culture
With a smile
Pull away, in tangled tan
Three a night, four hundred day
Let us commemorate
My dear, thinning thread
A thousand thousand tears with farewell

The answer to EVERYTHING!!!:- The Cycle.
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The following comments are for "Away"
by A. Cain

it's good...
But, it is difficult to get an image of what you are trying to say.

( Posted by: themonster [Member] On: December 12, 2004 )

^^^ What themonster said.

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say, but you're saying it very well. As I've said about your writing before, it's like hearing "I love you" in Japanese.



( Posted by: JonnyT [Member] On: December 12, 2004 )

Not That Difficult
I don't think this poem is so very difficult -- or this is the impression I gleaned from reading:

It's a poem about going away. Ok. The thread can be viewed as somehing umbillical, a silver cord, a knot of connection, a dread lock, a promise of understanding, a tugboat's line, a link to harbour. The poem itself encompasses that brief moment which reveals itself as final, that jab of heart-beat, the tug on it's strings, the thread of longing which pulls itself tight until it falls, slender and useless as kite string seperated from it's intended or a broken violin string. Broken is final as silence lingering in imagined echoes.

I didn't find it difficult, though I agree with themonster and JohnnyT that more fully expressed imagery would have made this poem more real, more poignant, more unavoidable.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: December 13, 2004 )

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