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9londongrey
8themonster

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Into this well planned garden
of accidental abandon,
evoking painful joy,
inviting gentle death,
comes a beautiful assassin.

a Splendid wren -
plundering white butterflies.
Mocking this loveliness,
flurries of broken wings
lay on gravel paths in

this well planned garden
of accidental abandon.

------
Not the poem which we have read, but that to which we return, with the greatest pleasure, possesses the power and claims the name of essential poetry.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Death in a Garden"
by Huni

Windchime et al.
Lucie, thank you for stopping by and the lovely comment. And the 9! love that from you. As I said to Pen, I saw this happen in my garden and wanted to write of the beauty that attracts the stark realities of life (and death). I'm glad you like the first and last lines as they are both the stage for, and the cause of the incident. My garden is old English style, wild and gorgeous, set in Australian natives. Which takes planning and work to look that casual. And to think something so beautiful invites a kind of deadly havoc and yet still is such a haven. Ah! well, it inspires poets I guess. warm regards to you Lucie, huni.

chapter1, themonster: thanks for reading and the great rating. regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: December 12, 2004 )

Artful Abandon
A clever way to express something essential, almost dark -- a twilight realizaion built of hauntingly simple imagery. Very nicely said.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: December 13, 2004 )

Huni
This conjured so many images for me, I enjoy nithing more than a garden that is so well thought out that you cannot see the thought behind it.

The same can be said of this piece, it is so artful that you cannot see the thought behind it, yet it is well thought out.

Have I said thought enough!?! LOL!!

Alex xx

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Huni
One little dark poetry, you succeeded here if you really aim for this to become dark. I know your (and mine too) struggle about writing such pieces. But the beauty of nature still wasn't taken away here, as is your signature in every poem you write.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Huni
Hello!

Great to see you at PFFA!!!! I have your piece and will try to hlpe you as much as possible on the critique.

See you there.

Alex xxx

( Posted by: londongrey [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Too late londongrey!!!
Thanks for the support but Donna already trashed it and told me to. 'Tis tough over there and I'm not sure how I will survive But if one is willing one can learn a lot that's for sure. I've been away for a while and am not sure now if I should go back or just give up. ~smile~. thanks by the way for the comment here, any critique for me on this one? huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Hazelfern - Peter
Thanks to you both for stopping by and commenting, I'm glad you liked this little piece. It was a fun write in spite of the 'darkness'. regards huni.

Peter I am catching up on a lot of the conversation around here, and would like to say I appreciate your questions and concern for me and my absence. It's nice to know when we are missed isn't it. Thanks for your acrostic on me too ~hugs~ h.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Huni Garden
Hi Huni, I thought I would take a trip by and return the favor you graciously bestowed on me by reading some of your work.

This poem has a Japanese feel to it for some reason. Maybe its the ying/yang; the beauty these two creatures add to the garden juxtaposed against the predator and prey they become, reinforced by the oxymorons. This poem is drenched in them: 'well planned accident'
'painful joy' 'gentle death' 'beautiful assassin'

Theres a surprise too, I think, in the realization that the wren taking the butterfly is no different than a lioness tucking into an antelope. It catches one's breath.

Something is up with the capitalization on Spledid and the beginning of the last line. This is a pretty little natural micro-drama. -Philo

( Posted by: Philo [Member] On: December 14, 2004 )

Splendid Philo
Thanks sooo much for your comments. Yes, that is how I viewed the event myself. Though small, it seemed to have the same significance of the African image we know. Juxtaposition in poetry interests me. It's in "All The Things She Loved" and other stuff of mine. I love playing with it, so thanks for commenting on that.

Splendid? That is the name of the beautiful blue Wren we have here. I maybe should have put Wren in caps. as well. Go to google do a search, click image and then see just what a lovely bird it is. If you wish. warm regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: December 15, 2004 )





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