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9Teflon

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Fertile concepts - all my desire


For poetry that which yields fire:
Brings cold shivers to my body -


Yet they don’t float and glide from me

Words that don’t form but stay shapeless –


Only a vision of Venus
With seven babies on her back,


And of Jesus on a hammock

Stealthy tears I try to suppress


As I teach my trembling fingers
To embrace the pen that denies


Those fluid words that leap and rhyme

Some pauses and breaths in between


Venus meets Adam in Eden;
Jesus springs to catch the babies –


On his back, them, now he carries

Words again become elusive


Here, the burning fire starts to leave.
As I try another story,


Will tomorrow be one more today?










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Comments

The following comments are for "Attempt at Poetry"
by Jabeelah

Ingredients
The imagery is there. You might think about the form: it might be more rhythmic, or periodically interrupted by a dramatic statement.

Regards

Teflonn

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: December 5, 2004 )

Thanks
Hi Teflon, thanks for the comment. It'll help me a lot. :-) I'll try some more!

( Posted by: jabeelah [Member] On: December 6, 2004 )





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