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Fertile concepts - all my desire

For poetry that which yields fire:
Brings cold shivers to my body -

Yet they don’t float and glide from me

Words that don’t form but stay shapeless –

Only a vision of Venus
With seven babies on her back,

And of Jesus on a hammock

Stealthy tears I try to suppress

As I teach my trembling fingers
To embrace the pen that denies

Those fluid words that leap and rhyme

Some pauses and breaths in between

Venus meets Adam in Eden;
Jesus springs to catch the babies –

On his back, them, now he carries

Words again become elusive

Here, the burning fire starts to leave.
As I try another story,

Will tomorrow be one more today?

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The following comments are for "Attempt at Poetry"
by Jabeelah

The imagery is there. You might think about the form: it might be more rhythmic, or periodically interrupted by a dramatic statement.



( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: December 5, 2004 )

Hi Teflon, thanks for the comment. It'll help me a lot. :-) I'll try some more!

( Posted by: jabeelah [Member] On: December 6, 2004 )

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